


Turn the Page

by tinyarmedtrex



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: A whole mess of angst, Bev has a baby!, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, The losers are adorable uncles, but it's gonna be a while
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-03-29 22:24:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13936659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyarmedtrex/pseuds/tinyarmedtrex
Summary: Eddie and Richie broke up and Eddie hasn’t seen Richie in five years. Now he’s home for the weekend. Will he be able to resist the pull of Richie?





	1. Chapter 1

 

Eddie took a deep breath while walking up to the front door of Bev and Ben’s house. He was happy to be there, ecstatic even. Bev was pregnant, due in a few weeks, and he was back for her baby shower. They had named all the losers as official uncles and godparents- saying that only have two godparents was a stupid rule. 

So he was thrilled to be a godparent to baby Emily or Brandon. He was excited to see Bev and Ben, and the other losers. There was just one person he was dreading seeing.

Richie. 

It had been five years since he had seen Richie, after a less than cordial break up. Soon after Eddie had moved to Chicago and away from everyone he knew. He talked to the others regularly and they visited him once or twice a year but he hadn’t talked to Richie since they broke up. It had seemed like the best solution, to have a clean break. 

He knew Richie was a radio DJ- right after the break up, in his weaker moments, he had listened to his show, comforted by Richie’s deep voice and ability to joke about anything. He also knew he was single. Bev, Mike and Stan had told him at least a dozen times each. They all wanted them to get back together, even though they had had first row seats to the break up. Eddie always laughed it off, telling them only after pigs flew. It still hurt to think about Richie so he tried hard not to. He had dated other people, one for nearly two years, but hadn’t found anyone that he had needed like he had Richie. They had been tremendously happy, until they weren’t. 

He finally made himself knock, knowing he would have to go in eventually. He couldn’t just leave his gift on the doorstep...could he? As he considered the option the door opened and a very pregnant Bev appeared, screaming. 

“Eddie!” She pulled him into a huge hug, impeded slightly by her giant belly. “I’m so happy you’re here!” She started crying and Eddie pulled back, horrified.

“Bev, are you okay? What’s wrong?” He asked. 

“You didn’t do anything. She cries at literally anything. I’ve had to bar her from watching commercials.” Ben appeared, giving him a one hand hug. 

“That fucking Campbell's commercial gets me everytime.” She said, wiping her tears, laughing. 

Eddie laughed. “I missed you both.” 

“Us too, it’s been too long. Come on, everyone is inside.” Ben said, closing the door behind them and ushering Eddie in. 

“Remind me, why are you having a shower so late?” Eddie asked as he followed Ben to the rest of the guests, seeing the losers and a few of Ben and Bev’s other friends. He couldn’t stop himself from looking for Richie. It looked like he wasn’t there yet. 

Bev was already 8 months pregnant, due in four weeks. Eddie would be back again once the baby was born, to help them. 

Ben shrugged. “Life got in the way. Bev kept pushing it off, worried it would be bad luck or something.” 

“Eddie!” Mike said, standing as he saw him. Eddie let himself be pulled into a big group hug with all the losers and Audra, Bill’s girlfriend. 

“I missed you guys.” Eddie said, taking them all in. Everyone looked amazing. Mike had been doing crossfit and it showed, his shoulders were broader and Eddie could see the muscles outlined under his shirt. Stan actually had a tan. Bill couldn’t stop smiling, his arm around Audra. Eddie knew he had a stupid huge grin on his face. He hadn’t realized how much he missed his friends until he was with them again. They felt like home. 

“We m-m-missed you too.” Bill said. 

“Are you going to move back finally?” Stan asked. 

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Wow, it took you all of, what, a minute?” Stan shrugged. “No, I’m not moving back. I finally got a good shift at the hospital I can’t leave now.”

And I can’t be in the same city as Richie. Eddie didn’t say it but he knew everyone was thinking it, including him. 

“Still w-working with kids?” Bill asked. 

Eddie nodded. He was an RN in the pediatric wing. Amazingly, all the phobias he had suffered from growing up helped him in his job. He was meticulous about cleaning and the proper procedure. He also loved working with the kids. Some days were sad and terrible but other days it was the most rewarding thing he could imagine. 

“Where is he?” Eddie finally asked, not needing to use his name.

“Running late. Some things never change.” Stan said, shrugging. “I’m sure he’ll show up once we cut the cake.” 

Eddie nodded, trying to listen to his friends as they caught him up and not look up every time the door opened. 

They started playing the games and were halfway guessing how big Bev’s belly was with string when Richie appeared.

Eddie came to a full stop when Richie entered. He didn’t want to but he couldn’t stop himself. 

Richie looked unfairly gorgeous. He had finally started going to a real barber and not letting Bev cut his hair. His curls were tamed and soft, framing his face perfectly. He had upgraded his coke bottle glasses to sophisticated black rimmed ones. And he looked comfortable and happy. Eddie briefly wondered if he had someone in his life pushing for those changes. He pushed the thought from his mind, he had no right to be jealous. 

Eddie’s stomach clenched as Richie walked over. He briefly considered running.

Richie saw him staring and gave him a small wave, walking over. “Hey Eds.” 

“Hey ‘Chee.” 

Both stopped, uncomfortable with how easy it was to slip into old nicknames. Eddie bit his bottom lip, trying to think of something to say. Up close Richie looked even better. Eddie had always loved the smattering of freckles that covered Richie’s nose and cheeks. They were more prominent now that it was summer and he was slightly tanned. 

“You look great.” Richie said, looking Eddie up and down. Eddie resisted the urge to straighten his shirt. “Chicago really agrees with you.” 

Eddie nodded. “Thanks. You do too.”

Another silence. Eddie wondered if he could just leave. He knew it wasn’t socially acceptable but it would be so much easier. 

“Look,” Richie said, hanging a hand on his neck. “Um, we can be civil right? We owe it to Bev.”

Eddie nodded again, grateful that Richie had said something. “And each other. Yes, it’s a deal.” 

“Great.” Richie stuck his hand out. “To civility.”

Eddie took it, ignoring the twinge he felt. “To civility.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How civil do you plan on being? Civil like, you won’t hurt him? Or civil like we’ll find you two in a closet not wearing pants?”
> 
> Eddie shot him a glare. “The former.”

“Looks like you and Richie are being friendly.” Mike said, sidling alongside him. 

“We agreed to be civil.” Eddie said, trying to make his playdoh baby look more realistic and failing. “This is impossible. It’s head keeps falling off.”

“Unlike a real baby.” Mike replied, smiling. “How civil do you plan on being? Civil like, you won’t hurt him? Or civil like we’ll find you two in a closet not wearing pants?”

Eddie shot him a glare. “The former.”

“Mmh, sure.” Mike held up his baby. “It’s beautiful.” He cooed. 

“Yea, make sure you’re in charge of baby making if you two go for it. Stan’s looks like a small gollum.” Eddie pushed his chin to Stan, who’s baby had sharp edges and was too skinny. Mike let out a loud laugh and Stan glared, giving him the finger.

Eddie laughed too. He had missed this. He had friends in Chicago, good friends, but it was still different with the losers. Being with them made him feel whole, like a piece was missing from him that he forgot about it until he was back. He loved all of them dearly. Talking to them on the phone or skype wasn’t the same as being with them. 

“Stan, darling, you see the resemblance?” Richie asked, holding his baby to his face. 

“Both of you are hot messes.” Stan said, barely looking up as he tried to smooth his baby’s edges. 

“Harsh.” Richie replied, turning to Eddie and Mike. “Guys, really, it’s a dead lookalike.” Richie and Eddie were doing okay so far. They had avoided talking to each other, keeping at least one of losers between them at all times. 

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Um, it looks like a cabbage.” Richie’s baby was covered in wrinkles. “I guess it has a big mouth, like it’s papa.”

“The better to kiss you with.” Richie replied offhandedly. His eyes widened as he realized what he said. Eddie quickly turned back to his baby, a flush rising on his neck. He could feel Stan and Mike exchanging looks. 

“Alright! Time to stop working.” Ben called. “Bev is coming around to judge your babies.”

Bev walked over, laughing at some and tearing up at others. She declared Mike the winner. 

“Oh, a coveted jar of baby food.” Eddie said as Mike came back with him spray painted jar. It was painted blue and full of glitter.

“You’re just jealous.” Mike said, pouring some glitter on him. Eddie laughed, trying to get it out of his hair. 

The party broke up and Stan pulled Eddie aside. “We were thinking dinner with everyone?”

“Everyone?” Eddie asked uneasily. 

“Yes. Everyone.” Stan replied sternly, watching Eddie. “Can you two manage to not yell each other at or make out for the evening? Everyone wants to see you and be together.” 

He nodded. “Yes.”  He could handle being with Richie for a night.

\-----

Eddie was wrong about that. Richie sat next to him at the dinner and his hand kept grazing Eddie’s as they reached for food or his shoulder would brush against him. It was killing him. He had no idea if Richie was doing it on purpose, it felt like it. Eddie decided that his only course of action was to ignore Richie. He couldn’t handle having him so close. 

So that was what he did, turning away from Richie to talk to the others, moving his chair further. He was sure everyone noticed but no one said anything. It didn’t work, Richie was animated and still kept touching Eddie, or trying to pull him back in with a story of them as teenagers. 

FInally he couldn’t take it. Eddie stood, excusing himself and going outside for some space. He looked around his old city. Augusta was much smaller than Chicago, it was a big city but felt like a small town. He missed how the air smelled, vaguely like the ocean that was nearby. He missed the friendliness of random people. He loved this city. It felt like home. 

“Hey.” Eddie heard from behind him. He didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. But he did anyway. Richie. “Nice night.” He said, lighting a cigarette. 

“Still haven’t quit, huh?” Eddie asked, sticking his hands in his front pockets. He didn’t want to be out here alone with Richie. He didn’t trust himself with him. Mike was partially right, it would either end in them fighting or kissing, neither of which Eddie wanted. 

Richie shrugged. “No reason to.” He looked at Eddie. “Want to take a walk?”

Eddie regarded Richie. He was wearing a long sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows. Richie’s forearms had always been Eddie’s kryptonite. He loved how strong they were, how the muscles tensed when he moved. He wasn’t sure if Richie remembered or not.  He tore his eyes away. 

Going on a walk with him was a bad idea. They had broken up and agreed not to talk. It was better for both of them to stop speaking, interacting. It had hurt like hell but it was the right move. Eddie knew that. He had accepted it a long time ago. 

“Sure.” He said, saying a mental ‘fuck it’. 

They started walking about the block, not speaking. Finally Richie looked over at him. “I know we agreed to be civil but that doesn’t mean you have to ignore me.” 

“I wasn’t…” Eddie started to lie but it wasn’t worth it. Richie would see through it anyway. “Richie, this sucks. I don’t know how else to handle this. So let’s not pretend that we’re fine. Or that we can be friends again. We both know we can’t.” It came out sharper than Eddie intended but Richie had that effect on him, and he needed to say it. He needed Richie to know that this was hard for him too. 

“The Midwest made you harsh Eds.” 

Eddie licked his lips. “What do you want Richie? Do you think we can be friends? Because I know we can’t.” 

Richie stopped and watched him. Eddie leaned against a building, also looking at Richie, who’s brow was furrowed. Eddie didn’t want to have this conversation here, if ever. He didn’t want to talk about what happened. He wasn’t over it and he knew that. He could never just be friends with Richie. 

“No. We can’t.” Richie said, walking over to him. He put a hand near Eddie’s head, partially trapping him. “I don’t want to be friends.” His voice was low and his eyes flicked from Eddie’s mouth to his eyes. Eddie felt heart coil in his stomach. His body remembered having Richie this close, how good it felt. He resisted arching into him, closing the gap. 

“What do you want?” Eddie asked, his voice husky. 

“God Eds, I thought it was obvious.” Richie leaned, pressing himself against Eddie. Eddie closed his eyes as Richie’s familiar weight fell on him, pushing him into the wall. 

“I want you.” He said before kissing Eddie. Surprised, Eddie didn’t kiss back immediately.  Then he did, opening his mouth to let Richie’s tongue twine with his. Richie tasted like cigarettes and wine and Eddie had missed it. Everything felt like home, especially as Richie’s hands grabbed his hips, pulling him closer. He put his hands in Richie’s hair, wanting more of him. His heart strained and he was flooded with memories. It was so easy to kiss him, to be with him. 

It also made Eddie remember why they couldn’t do this. He moved out from Richie’s arms, taking several steps away. His heart was pounding. “What the fuck!” Eddie exclaimed. “What was that?”

Richie was grinning. “Eds, we’re not over. You kissed me too, admit it- you miss me.” He said triumphantly. 

Eddie looked at him sadly. “Richie, we are over. O-V-E-R. For half a decade.” He shook his head. “We can’t be together. We tried and we both fucked it up. We hurt each other, and our friends.” 

“That was years ago, let’s try it again.” Richie tried to grab his hands and Eddie moved away, crossing his arms. He knew if he listened to Richie he would give in. It would be easy to fall back into Richie’s arms but he couldn’t. 

“No.” Eddie said, quietly. “Absolutely not.” He turned, walking back to the restaurant, leaving Richie alone. He didn’t turn around. He didn’t want to see the hurt and betrayal on Richie’s face. He didn’t want Richie to know that he was hurting too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby shower games are weird. I declined to have them play the one where you melt candy bars in diapers. Yuck.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He remembered the good times but he felt the bad ones.

“Tell us what the hell happened with you two at the restaurant.” Mike said, pulling out three beers. They were back at Stan & Mike’s apartment, where Eddie was staying.

“Nothing.” Eddie said, accepting the drink.

“Don’t lie.” Stan told him, curling next to Mike on the couch. “You two ignored each other then you both left and when Richie came back he looked like you had stabbed his puppy.”

“And you just never came back.” Mike added. 

Eddie had gotten in his car and drove to the apartment, waiting outside until the other two returned. He couldn’t go back in the restaurant. Being near Richie made him act like a fool and he didn’t want to face his friends. 

“Richie kissed me.” There was no reason to not tell them, he decided. Richie would if he didn’t.

“And the problem is?” Stan asked, not at all surprised by Eddie’s news. 

“The problem is that we’re not together. And haven’t been for years.” 

Stan and Mike both looked at him with pity, like they knew something he didn’t. “Can’t you try it again?” Mike asked softly. “You’re both different people now.” Eddie knew how much his friends wanted them together. It came from a good place, though it was overwhelming at times. 

Eddie shook his head. “We’re not. At the core we’re the same people. You guys remember how bad it was near the end.” Richie and Eddie had been volatile, snipping at each other constantly, fighting over every little thing. His friends had gotten stuck in the middle. Everyone had been miserable. Eddie had left before their friends had to choose sides. 

Stan gave a sharp nod. “We do. We remember.” He glanced at Mike. “We’ll leave it.” 

“Look, it’s fine. I’m leaving in two days. I don’t have to see him again.” Eddie was getting lunch with Bev and Ben tomorrow, then spending the evening with Stan and Mike. On Sunday he would be with Audra and Bill, ending with all of them getting an early dinner before his flight. The weekend was planned and it was Richie free. 

Eddie stood. “I’m going to bed.” He didn’t want to talk about Richie anymore. It made his stomach knot up. 

Eddie went to the guest room, thinking about why they broke up. It hadn’t been one big fight. It would have been easier if it had been something big that broke them, if it was someone’s fault. 

Instead, it had been a thousand little things. Richie getting jealous when Eddie stayed out late. Eddie getting mad at Richie’s flirting with the waitress. Richie being messy. Eddie needing things to be a specific way. Eddie wanted to move, he wanted kids and a house. Richie wouldn’t leave the others and wasn’t ready to grow up. Neither willing to compromise or listen. They would fight then make up. They’d have sex and avoid talking about the issue.

Eventually they had  **the** fight, the one that they couldn’t recover from.  Eddie didn’t remember how it started- something stupid like Richie putting an empty milk carton back in the fridge- and they had argued for hours, finally screaming at each other for everything that had been building for months. Both had been in tears. When they were exhausted and had cried everything out Richie had reached for Eddie, to hold him. And Eddie had taken step back. That was when he knew it was over. 

He had packed a bag and left, staying with Bill until he moved to Chicago. He hadn’t talked to Richie after, but he had sent friends to check on him. Richie had taken it hard, he didn’t think they’d actually break up. He thought Eddie would come back, like always. Eddie had known it was coming. He couldn’t keep going back. He wasn’t sure who had it worse- Eddie because he had read the signs and knew it was over or Richie who was blindsided by it, happy until the end. 

Eddie pulled his clothes off, sitting on the bed. The worst part was he still loved Richie, he’d always love him. They were two side of the same coin- running hot and cold, pushing each other to insanity. He couldn’t take it. He wanted someone stable, someone who was easier to love. It was unfair to say it but it was true. 

For a long time, he missed Richie everyday, thought about him constantly and nearly came back a dozen times. But eventually the sharp pain became a dull ache. Then that became the memory of pain. 

It wasn’t easy but he moved on. He dated someone for nearly two years. She was uncomplicated, they didn’t fight but they didn’t have any real love for eachother. Eddie had wondered if he needed one to have the other.  When they had broken up it had been over coffee, a quiet action. 

Deep down he knew he still wanted to be with Richie. But so much time had passed. Old wounds were open again, now that he was back. He remembered the good times but he felt the bad ones. 

He just needed to avoid Richie until he left. Then he could go back home, back to his life. 

\-----

The next day he was having brunch with Bev and Ben. They had just gotten their food when Bev asked, “So Eddie, seeing anyone special?” She didn’t look at him as she asked, instead stealing a potato from her husband’s plate, like she knew Eddie wouldn’t like the question. 

“Nope, just lots of not so special people.” Eddie quipped.

Bev smiled, now looking at him cautiously.  “You know, if you came home you’d have one very special person who would be thrilled.”

Eddie sighed. “Well, we almost made it through lunch without talking about him.” He sat back, folding his arms over his chest. “Go ahead, say your piece.”

Bev leaned in, her eyes bright. “He loves you Eddie, and you love him. So why can’t you be together? You should be together.”  

“Bev,” Eddie started then stopped. He didn’t know what do say. 

“Just think about it Eddie. Richie misses you so much.” Her voice nearly shook with emotion. One of the hardest things for Eddie was how much their friends wanted them together. 

His voice caught as he tried to reply.  Bev took his hand and patted it, looking at him like she understood. 

He was thinking what to say when Bev’s eyes grew wide and she grabbed Ben’s hand.

“Ben! Ben, my water just broke!” She exclaimed, full of disbelief. 

Ben looked from Eddie to Bev, panic spreading on his face. “What? No, we have three more weeks. It’s not time.” 

“Um, Ben, the baby doesn’t care if it’s due in three weeks. It’s coming now.” She told him. “And so are the contractions.” Her face contorted and she gripped Ben’s hand harder.

“Ok, ok, fuck, what do we do.” Ben looked wildly from Eddie to Bev. “Help?” He asked Eddie. Ben was an amazing husband but he was not good in emergencies. 

Eddie jumped up, walking to their side of the table. “You two go to the hospital. Is your bag packed?” Ben nodded. “Okay, give me your house keys. I’ll get it and meet you there. And I’ll call the others. You two go.”

Ben nodded again, helping Bev up. “Thanks Eddie. We’ll see you soon.”

Eddie nodded, “Can’t wait to meet your kid.”

Ben grinned. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated my username to match my tumblr. I’ve wanted to for a while and I thought since I’m in the middle of some fics it would be the least confusing time. So, sorry if this throws anyone!
> 
> Look, I know that someone cheating or some big thing is a sexier break up. But let’s be honest, a lot of break ups are ‘I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t have the same argument. I can’t fight with you anymore.’ So that’s what happened here. Death by a million cuts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hello Brandon, welcome to the world. I’m going to be your uncle.”

Eddie quickly packed a bag for Bev and Ben while calling the others. Luckily Richie was working so Eddie was able to avoid talking to him, instead leaving him a voicemail. The others promised to be there as soon as they could.

Eddie went to the hospital, quickly finding their room. Bev was in the throes of labor so Eddie silently dropped the bag off then padded away to the waiting area. Bill and Audra arrived first, followed quickly by Stan and Mike. Eddie filled them in on what he knew. Bev was still in labor and it looked like it would be a long one. Everyone settled in to wait, excitement in the air. 

Eddie must have fallen asleep. He woke up curled in a chair with a coat thrown over him. He stretched, yawning. The coat was large and smelled vaguely of cigarettes. He knew instantly who it belonged to. He looked over, seeing he and Richie were alone.

“Where’s everyone else?” He asked, checking his watch. It was about 7pm, Bev had been in labor for nearly 8 hours. 

“They went to a hotel nearby. I promised I’d call when something happened.” Richie said quietly, not looking at him. 

“Oh. Well, you can go too. I’ll call everyone.” 

Richie shook his head, “I want to stay.” 

Silence followed. Eddie tried to think of what to say to bridge the gap, to explain how he felt. 

“Look Richie, I’m sorry. I just, we can’t be together. I wish it was different.” Eddie finally said, trying to apologize for everything.

Richie gave a small nod. “You made that clear, don’t worry.”

Eddie started to defend himself but decided it wasn’t worth it. It would be easier if Richie hated him. They settled back into an awkward silence until Ben burst into the room, beaming. 

“Come meet Brandon!” He said excitedly, gesturing to them. 

Eddie and Richie both jumped up and followed him. Bev looked exhausted and was cradling a small, pink infant who was wailing. 

“Good set of pipes.” Richie said, looking happily at the baby. 

“He’s perfect.” Bev cooed, playing with his fingers. “Do you want to hold him?” She asked, looking up at them. 

Eddie nodded eagerly. He loved kids and had always wanted to adopt. He enjoyed being around them, their easy honesty and the pure happiness they radiated. It always impressed him. 

Richie had never wanted them. It was another disagreement they had. Richie was always worried he’d turn into his dad, a verbally abusive alcoholic. He always said he couldn’t put a kid through that. Eddie had insisted that would never happen but Richie refused to listen, shutting down instead. It was exhausting for both and eventually they stopped talking about it. 

Eddie carefully took the baby. “Hello Brandon, welcome to the world. I’m going to be your uncle.” He said, trying not to cry. The baby was tiny and extraordinary. He never got tired of seeing newborns, of holding a brand new life. He saw Ben snapping pictures. 

Richie appeared at his shoulder, standing behind him. “I’m another uncle. I’m the funny one.” Richie told the baby, wiping a tear away. 

“Someone will finally appreciate your jokes.” Eddie told him, looking up at Richie. 

Richie chuckled. “I guess. My jokes are just too sophisticated for you.” 

Eddie smiled before turning back to the baby. He had stopped crying and was asleep. The desire to love and protect him flowed through Eddie. He knew he would do anything for this baby. He was a little jealous of just how loved this baby would be, growing up with all the losers as extended family. Mostly though, he was thrilled to be part of his life. 

“Do you want to hold him?” Eddie asked after a few minutes. 

Richie shook his head. “I’ll wait until he’s got a few more hours in him. Maybe a little less breakable.” 

Eddie nodded and handed Brandon back to Ben, who instantly began talking to him. 

“We’ll go call the others,” Eddie said, grabbing Richie’s hand to give Ben and Bev a few minutes alone.

Once they were outside Eddie smiled. “I can’t believe he’s here.”

Richie nodded. “Finally.” He paused. “You looked great with him. You’ll be a great dad one day Eds.”

Eddie looked up at him, his eyes tender. “So would you ‘Chee. You’re nothing like your dad.” He put a hand on Richie, trying to comfort him.

Richie shrugged it off. “Not worth taking that chance.” He and Eddie stood together for a minute, soaking in the happiness of a new life. 

“We should call the others. They’ll be pissed.” Richie said and Eddie nodded and they went to a cell phone area. 

A little while later everyone was gathered in the room, a nurse had offered to take their picture with the baby. Eddie was squished between Stan and Bill, a huge grin on his face. He couldn’t remember the last time he was so happy.  She took several photos before handing Ben his phone back. 

Bill turned to him, “Are you going to s-stay longer?” He asked as Mike held the baby, looking awkward but thrilled. Stan was watching with a bemused expression.

Eddie nodded. “I’ll try, I’d like to stay the week.” He had been thinking about it since Bev went into labor. He had emailed his boss asking but hadn’t heard back yet.

“G-good. We’d all like that.” Bill smiled at him. 

The nurse was checking on Bev and Eddie watched, seeing that her blood pressure was low. He frowned, following the nurse out of the room.

“Are you going to extend her stay?” He asked. “I saw the blood pressure.” 

She turned to Eddie. “Are you a doctor?” 

“RN, in Chicago.” 

She nodded. “We’ll monitor her overnight. She might need to stay a few extra days. It’s nothing to be worried about. The baby is healthy and she seems fine.”

“Okay.” Eddie said, trying to suppress any concerns he had. Bev’s blood pressure wasn’t in the danger zone but he had always been a worrier, that would never change. He went back in, encouraging her to drink some more water. She tried to push him off but he insisted. The group stayed a few hours before the nurse came back and kicked them out, saying mom and baby needed sleep. They all promise to be back in the morning.

“Is Bev okay?” Richie asked, pulling Eddie back as they left. Of course Richie had noticed Eddie fussing over her. He only seemed unobservant, when he was actually always watching the details and small things. 

Eddie nodded. “Her blood pressure is a little low but she should be fine.”

“Good thing you’re here.” 

“There’s an abundance of qualified nurses and doctors in there, it’s not like she needs me.” 

Richie shrugged, “A friendly face never hurt.” 

Eddie turned away, unable to handle the tenderness in Richie’s voice. It made Eddie want to reach out to him. Richie noticed the change in Eddie’s body language and started to hold out his hand.

But Eddie stopped himself, shaking his head. “Don’t. We can’t.”  Eddie said as firmly as he could. “I don’t want to be with you.” 

It was a blatant lie. But a necessary one. And it worked. Richie’s face fell and Eddie walked away, not looking back. They couldn’t be together. Eddie vowed to not be alone with him for the rest of his trip, he needed to avoid the temptation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda forgot about this fic...including that I’m nearly done writing it. But uh, it’s being updated now! So that’s something. 
> 
> Don't worry! I’m not going to hurt Bev- I just needed her to stay in the hospital a few more days. And we all know Eddie would be a total fussbucket about it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can’t you just shut up for once?” Richie growled.
> 
> “Make me.”
> 
> Richie’s eyes flashes and he leaned in, his lips next to Eddie’s ear. “Maybe I will.”

Eddie woke up the next morning to an email from his boss saying of course he could stay the week and congratulating him on becoming an uncle. Eddie smiled, thinking that he’d never get sick of hearing that. 

He hopped in the shower before going back to the hospital. The others had stayed in the hotel since they’d already paid for the night. They were already in the room when he arrived with coffee and bagels for everyone.

“The bagel fairy!” Richie said, descending on the bag. “And you got my favorite!” Richie pulled out a cinnamon sugar bagel. Eddie suppressed a smile, not wanting Richie to think it meant anything, he knew everyone’s favorite bagel. Everyone else picked a one and sat, asking Bev how the night was.

She shrugged. “Fine. I have to stay a few more days because of low blood pressure. I wish I had a few more things from home for Ben and I.”

“I’ll go,” Eddie and Richie volunteered simultaneously. They looked at each other. 

“You can...” Eddie started as Richie said, “Nevermind.”

“Jesus you two.” Mike said. “I’ll go with you and chaperone. Bev, text me a list of what you need.” 

The three set out, Eddie sitting in the backseat with Mike and Richie talked about an upcoming show they were going to. He felt a pang of jealousy, knowing he’d be back in Chicago for it. 

“You two go upstairs, I’ll grab the books.” Mike said as they walked into the house. Eddie started to protest and Mike shot him a look. “Be fucking adults.” 

Eddie shut his mouth, following Richie upstairs. “I’ll get things for Bev, you get Ben’s.” He told Richie before turning away. 

They gathered items quietly for a little while, until Eddie saw what Richie was grabbing. “Richie,” He started, annoyed. “You can’t just pack him a dozen t shirts. That’s not what he needs.” He walked over to Richie’s pile and start putting shirts back.

Richie grabbed it from his hands. “I can do it.” 

“Clearly you can’t.” Eddie told him, snatching the shirt back. “Why would he possibly need that many shirts? They’re not going on a cruise.” 

“I wasn’t sure what he wanted to wear, I was getting options.” He retorted. 

“That’s stupid.” Eddie folded the shirt and put it away before picking up another. “He’ll be happy to have any of them. They don’t want all their clothes.”

“Don’t call me stupid.” Richie said, his voice tight. Eddie turned back to him. Richie’s lips were in a thin line and his jaw was clenched. Eddie could tell he was pissed. He hated being called stupid, and Eddie’s knew it. He also didn’t care. He didn’t want to be there, in the room, with Richie. And now it could take even longer because Richie couldn’t pack a fucking overnight bag.

“Don’t do stupid things then.” He replied. 

“This is why we broke up.” Richie said, sitting on the bed. “Because you treat me like a child.” 

“You’re acting like one.” Eddie told him, continuing to put clothes away and grabbing new ones. 

Richie let out a harsh laugh. “Wow, see, this is it. You won’t actually talk to me. You just talk  _ at  _ me. And you just shut down whatever I say. Like you’re so fucking mature.”

Eddie turned to him, shaking the shirt in his fist to emphasise his point. “I am mature. I moved on. I left. I come back and you kissed me!” Eddie was starting to get mad. Richie knew just how to push his buttons. 

“Yea Eds, you left. You just abandoned me!” Richie stood, pointing at Eddie. “You abandoned all of us!” 

“I didn’t abandon anyone! They’re all adults! They understood. It’s just you who had a hard time understanding it!” Eddie turned back to the dresser, pulling out socks. 

When he turned Richie was behind him, much closer than he needed to be. “Maybe because I got no closure. We fought and you disappeared. Then you never talked to me again!” All the humor was gone from his voice and his eyes had narrowed. 

“I didn’t have anything to say to you. I still don’t.” Eddie replied coldly, knowing Richie would hate it. He always hated how cold Eddie was when they fought. Richie ran hot, yelling and screaming his points. Eddie could turn it off. He was just as upset but he could freeze Richie out. It infuriated him. Eddie crossed his arms, leaning against the wall and waiting for Richie to reply. 

Richie moved closer, putting his hands on either side of Eddie’s face. Eddie watched as the vein in Richie’s forehead pulsed. “Really Eds? Because I have a shit ton to say to you. Stuff I’ve wanted to say for five years, like-”

“I don’t care.” Eddie interrupted him, knowing it would inflame Richie more. He was aggravated with how close Richie was, and how much it was affecting him. He still loved seeing Richie angry. It was a turn on, how fired up Richie got. How passionate he was. There had been a time when Eddie would pick stupid fights, just to watch Richie get mad and then to make up with him. 

“Can’t you just shut up for once?” Richie growled. 

“Make me.” 

Richie’s eyes flashes and he leaned in, his lips next to Eddie’s ear. “Maybe I will.” His hot breath hit Eddie’s ear and he suppressed a shudder. It pissed him off to no end how turned on he was. Richie was so close that Eddie could feel the warmth of his body and had to stop himself from leaning into him. 

Instead he looked up at Richie, his eyes narrowed. “That won’t work anymore.” He said, crossing his arms. It would have been more convincing if he wasn’t staring at Richie’s lips while he said it. He couldn’t help it, he always loved them, they were full and slightly chapped, and had always fit perfectly against his. 

Richie knew it too, he licked them then smirked. “I think it already is.” 

Eddie knew he should move away, duck under Richie’s arm and leave the room. Instead he scoffed. “Hardly.” 

Richie didn’t hesitate. He pressed his lips to Eddie’s, his hands moving behind Eddie’s head and pulling him in. The kiss was rough and Eddie gasped in surprise. Richie seized the opportunity and pushed his tongue into Eddie’s mouth. Eddie’s memory took over his common sense and he leaned into the kiss, his tongue meeting Richie’s. His hands were on Richie’s hips, pulling him closer until Richie was flush against him. It was intoxicating in the familiarity. Richie’s hands roamed down and under Eddie’s shirt, his fingers grazing his nipples. Richie pushed his leg between Eddie’s, creating friction and making Eddie gasp. His hands were under Richie’s shirt, running up and down his back.

A part of Eddie’s mind was screaming that this was a bad idea. But a much louder part was telling him that there were too many clothes separating them. Richie moved back from the kiss and moved to his neck, alternating between kissing and nibbling on it. Eddie couldn’t do anything except let out small moans as he sucked on a sensitive part.

“Gotta be quiet Eds, Mike is downstairs.” Richie whispered into his skin. 

That finally snapped Eddie out of it. He pushed Richie back, trying to catch his breath. Richie looked wrecked. His lips were red and puffy, his eyes were dark and blown out. It took all of Eddie’s self control not to drag him back.

“We can’t.” Eddie said, his voice strained. 

“We just were!” Richie pointed out. 

Eddie nodded. “And it was a mistake.”

Richie shook his head. “You don’t really think that.” 

Eddie looked away, needing to not look at Richie, and nodded. “I do. Richie, we’re over.” He had said it so many times he wasn’t even sure what it meant anymore. 

“Fine.” Richie’s voice was harsh enough that Eddie looked back up. “Fine then. I’ll go. I won’t bother you anymore.” He turned and left the room before Eddie could respond. He wasn’t sure what he would say anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I published this chap earlier and didn’t like it. So I changed the end. Apologies if you read it the first time and are impacted by my indecisiveness.


	6. Chapter 6

“Do you want to tell us what happened yesterday?” Stan asked. Eddie sighed loudly, hoping to dissuade his friends from requiring a response. He was tired of that question. Stan crossed his arms and looked at Eddie pointedly. He knew he had to tell them something. 

“What always happens when we’re alone.” He replied frankly. “We fought.”

“And?” Bill asked. “W-what else?” 

Eddie grimaced. But now, he was out to lunch with Mike, Stan, Bill and Audra. Bev had left the hospital earlier that day but was still on bed rest. Ben refused to leave her side.

“We...kissed.” He said, hoping they didn’t want any more details. The car ride back had been awful. Richie had sat stoically in the back seat and Eddie’s jaw had been clenched the whole time. Mike had tried to ask Eddie about work but had given up after his short, terse replies. He had apologized to Mike after but had refused to talk about it. 

He was infuriated. He hated how Richie was acting, and that he kept rising to it. He hated that he still reacted to Richie like that, and that it was the hottest thing that had happened to him in months. He hated a lot about Richie right now.

“Of fucking course.” Stan said. “You two can’t keep away from each other. You’re like horny teenagers.” 

“It’s not my fault!” Eddie protested. “I’m trying to stay away, I’m trying not to be alone with him.” 

“M-maybe that’s the problem. M-maybe you should stop trying to stay away.” Bill suggested. 

“We are broken up.” Eddie replied slowly. “That’s it.” Everyone looked at him with pity and Eddie felt his frustration rise. “Stop it you guys, we’re not not supposed to be together.”

“Is that why you two can’t stop staring at each other?” Mike said. “I mean, sometimes it’s daggers but other times I feel like I’m interrupting you two undressing each other.” 

“What do you guys want from me?” Eddie asked, his tone clipped. “You just want us to get back together? Like nothing happened?” 

“That would be ideal.” Stan replied. Eddie gave him the finger. “Otherwise, if you two could just talk it out and maybe not suck all the air out of every room with your unresolved sexual tension, well, we’d take that too.” Everyone nodded. 

“I don't think Richie wants to talk to me.” Eddie replied, still feeling cranky. It felt like his friends were all ganging up on him, even if he knew that they suffered from the two of them fighting too.

Everyone told him that wasn’t true, that he should try to talk to him. Eddie agreed, mostly to get them to shut up. He had no idea what he was going to say but he knew it would be outside, near other people, and not in some dark room. He could do that for the sake of his friends. 

After lunch he went to visit Ben, Bev and Brandon. He had brought over some frozen meals that Stan had cooked and flowers from him.

“Do you want to hold him?” Bev asked as they sat in the living room. Eddie eagerly nodded, scooping up the small baby. He was walking around the room and telling him random medical facts when Richie entered.

Eddie’s stomach dropped. He was holding hands with someone. His hand was clasped in an tall, Asian man’s hand, who was laughing at something Richie had whispered in his ear.

“Bev! Baby! And Bev’s baby!” Richie grinned at his joke. “ We came to drop off some supplies.” He dumped a bag on the coffee table, it's contents pouring out. Magazines, candy and pacifiers. 

“Bev needs to eat healthy, her blood pressure is still low.” Eddie said, shaking his head at the candy. Richie hadn’t even acknowledged he was there and the comment had slipped out before he could stop it. 

Richie turned to him, his face unreadable. “Well maybe they’re for Brandon.” He said coldly. 

“So you’re trying to choke him. Great.” Eddie reprimanded. He heard his tone, how childish he sounded, and he hated it. He didn’t want to be that person, the one who brought the mood of the room down, who scolded his friends. But apparently that’s who he was around Richie. 

Richie turned away, ignoring him. “Everyone, this is Carl. Carl, everyone.” 

“Hey guys.” Carl waved awkwardly, clearly picking up on the tension. 

“Hi Carl!” Bev said warmly. Eddie just glared at him. He didn’t like how attractive Carl was, or how close he was to Richie. They were standing shoulder to shoulder and Richie looked thrilled. Jealousy curled in Eddie’s chest. 

“We’ve got to go, we’ve got a  _ date _ .” Richie said, looking pointedly at Eddie as he said it. Eddie turned his attention back to the baby, watching him until the two left. He couldn’t stand how happy Richie looked. It wasn’t fair, and he knew it, but it hurt to see him with someone else. 

“What the fuck was that?” Eddie asked once the door closed.

“I’m going to put Brandon down.” Ben said, grabbing the child and quickly exiting the room. Eddie couldn’t blame him. He knew Ben didn’t like conflict and that he could feel how tense the room had been. Hell, Brandon had probably even picked up on it, if they were as obvious as Stan claimed. Eddie was again reminded that his friends suffered when they fought. 

He sat down and Bev looked at him with pity. “Eddie, you told Richie you don’t want to be with him.”

“I know.” He replied petulantly. “But he doesn’t need to rub it in.” He crossed his arms. He knew he was being unreasonable but he didn’t expect Richie to go from kissing him to holding hands with someone else so quickly. 

“Eddie,” She said, her voice soft. He looked at her, seeing compassion in her eyes. 

He huffed. “He should grow up.” 

“Richie will never grow up, that’s why we love him.” She said with a little laugh. 

“Fine, you’re right.” He admitted. “But I still don’t need to see him with someone else. He could wait until I leave.” He wasn’t ready to be done being hurt. 

“Eddie. I don’t think he can. He still wants you back.” Eddie started to protest and she raised her hand. “You didn’t see what he was like post break up.” She paused, choosing her words carefully. “He was a wreck, for weeks. He wouldn’t see any of us. He wouldn’t eat. He didn’t shower. It was disgusting. He really didn’t think you would leave, he thought you’d work it would like always. It nearly broke him.”

Eddie’s shoulders sagged. He had known Richie hadn’t taken it well but hadn’t known it was that bad. He had tried to call him, once or twice, but Richie had never picked up. Eddie didn’t blame him. He had disappeared on him and he knew how shitty that was.

But he wasn’t going to take all the fault. “You make it sound like the break up was all me. It wasn’t.” 

She nodded. “I know. It wasn’t. I’m just trying to tell you, you left and moved on and he didn’t. He thought you two would end up together. So he’s handling the fact that you won’t in a very Richie way.” She finished quietly.  Eddie’s heart ached hearing that Richie really believed that they never getting back together. He couldn’t admit that to himself yet, maybe ever. 

“What am I supposed to do Bev?” Eddie asked, his voice softer. “I hate this.” 

She nodded. “I know. He does too. You’re both just really good at pushing the other’s buttons.” She gave him a small smile and he nodded. “You two will always be in each others lives. You’ve got to figure something out. If not for us than for yourselves.” 

After talking to Bev, Eddie went back to Stan and Mike’s and decided to go for a run. As he ran through familiar neighborhoods he thought about what everyone had said. He needed to get along with Richie, especially if he was going to be visiting more to see Brandon. It meant he needed to let go of his old feelings about Richie, and to stop being angry at him. It also meant they needed to talk, something he would love nothing more than to avoid. But it wasn’t just for him, it was for all of them. He could do it for the losers. They both could. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We were wasted and you started crying. I asked what was wrong and you told me that my hair was too beautiful and that all you wanted to to was touch it but you couldn’t.”

On Tuesday Eddie stopped over and Ben and Bev’s without calling first. He dropped off some supplies then went upstairs to the nursery to say hi to the baby. Bev and Ben were both sleeping, he could hear Ben’s soft snores down the hall. He paused at the door, hearing quiet singing. 

“ And if that mockingbird won't sing, Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring.” 

He pushed the door the door open enough to peer in and saw Richie cradling Brandon, singing to him in his deep, beautiful voice. Richie was completely absorbed in the baby, looking at him like it was the most miraculous thing he had ever seen. 

Eddie’s heart cracked open. Seeing the intimate moment was too much for him. Richie with kids was his weakness, he loved how soft and sweet he became. He had also always loved Richie’s singing. He had woken up many times to Richie holding him, humming a tune in his ear. Eddie felt tears well up in his eyes, seeing a life he wanted with the man he left. He wiped them off and pushed the door open, not wanting to watch any longer. 

“Hi ‘Chee.” He said, his voice hushed. 

Richie spun around, surprised. Seeing it was Eddie he glared. “I’m not hurting him, you don’t have to worry.” His tone made Eddie flinch, even though he knew he deserved it. 

“I know. I shouldn’t have said that.” Eddie said, scuffing his shoe on the floor. “I’m sorry.”

“What’s the catch?” Richie asked,  clearly skeptical. “Are you in rehab and making your apology tour? Because I can think of plenty of other things I’d rather have you apologize for.” Eddie fought not to rise to Richie’s jab. He was right to be angry.  

“No catch, I’m just sorry. I don’t want to fight with you. I just, you piss me off so much.” He replied honestly. Richie chuckled. “But I’ve been an ass too. So I’m sorry. I’m sorry for this week.” He looked up at him, unsure if Richie would want more. 

Richie nodded. “Apology accepted.” Richie had always been as quick to forgive as he was to anger. It evened out. 

‘So, friends?” Eddie asked. He knew this was probably a band aid. Nothing was fixed. But it was a started. And they needed a fresh started. 

“Friends.” Richie nodded, giving him a quick smile. 

“And, if you want,” He swallowed. This was harder for him to say. “We can talk about, about how things ended.” He peered at Richie again, who seemed to be frozen in his spot. 

Richie shook his head. “No, no. I don’t need that.”

Eddie exhaled, relieved. “Okay, well. It’s on the table, if you change your mind.” He hoped Richie didn’t. He wasn’t ready for it. He wanted to get used to being in the same room as Richie, before the fighting started again. And talking about how it ended would definitely result in a fight. After a beat he added, “ I’m glad you’re dating someone. Carl seemed nice.” He said, trying to sound earnest. 

“Yea, we just met.” Richie said awkwardly. “And I brought him to meet a baby on the first date.”

Eddie chuckled. “I’m sure date two will go better.”

“Yea, sure, date two.” Richie said quietly.  He was looking down at Brandon, avoiding Eddie’s eye contact. 

“Look, um, do you want to come over to Stan & Mike’s tomorrow? I’m running some errands with Stan and then they’re grilling. I’m sure they’d be thrilled that we can be in the same room together.”

“Are you sure?” He asked incredulously. 

He nodded. “Yes, I am.” He was being honest, he wanted to spend some time with Richie before he left. He wanted to work on things so hopefully next time it would be easier. 

Richie smiled. “I’ll be there.” 

\-------------

“You’re only 45 minutes late.” Eddie told Richie as he slid into the passenger seat. 

Richie shrugged. “They’re errands. It’s not like we’re on a strict time table. And you’re on vacation. No Stan?”

“No Stan.” Eddie confirmed. He was trying not to be annoyed about it. When Stan found out he had invited Richie for dinner he had texted Richie to tell him to come early to help with errands and then uninvited himself, telling Eddie that a third person was wholly unnecessary. Eddie had grumbled and Stan had shrugged. 

“Well good chap! Where can this stallion take you?” Richie asked.

“Is the stallion you or the car?” 

“Can’t it be both?” Richie smirked. 

Eddie pulled his list out. “We just need to go to costco. Ben and Bev need a few things.” 

“Oh, I love costco.” Richie said, starting to driving. 

Richie wasn’t lying. He did love the store. He insisted that they try every sample and sit in all the chairs. He spent 20 minutes testing out a massage chair, then made Eddie try it for the same length of time. He also climbed in the display playhouse and got stuck, his long arms sticking comically out the windows. “You’re like Alice in Wonderland” Eddie told him as he tried to pull Richie out. They ended up knocking over a pillow display and quickly ran away before anyone saw it was them. It was the most Eddie had laughed in a long time.

“I think that’s everything.” Eddie said, triple checking the list. “We can go.”

“Not before costco hot dogs!” Richie said. “I’m buying. Will you find us a place to sit?” Eddie nodded, checking out then looking for a table. Since it was a weekday the food court was mostly empty. He pulled the cart to a table and sat, watching as Richie put toppings on their hot dogs.

“Extra ketchup, light relish and sprite.” Richie said, handing Eddie his food. “Still right?”

Eddie smiled. “Still right.”

“I got us ice cream too. Just one to split, since they’re enormous.” Richie produced a strawberry shake. “Your favorite.” 

Eddie nodded, feeling butterflies. It was easy being with Richie. He already knew so much about Eddie, beyond how he liked his hot dogs. They fell back in the rhythm they once had, teasing each other as they caught up on missed years. He had missed this, missed having Richie in his life. As long as he could push down his lingering feelings and ignored the too-long looks Richie gave him, he could do this, he could be friends with Richie. 

“Thanks for helping, the size of these diaper packs are bordering on obscene.” Eddie said as they loaded the car. 

“Don’t worry about it Spaghetti.” Richie said, smiling at him. His thumb swiped the edge of Eddie’s lips then he paled. “Sorry, you had relish. I just, I didn’t think.” His face had turned several shades darker. 

“Don’t worry.” Eddie said, swallowing. The casual ease of the gesture wasn’t lost on him. He smiled at Richie, trying not to let things fall into awkwardness. “Thanks for not letting me walk around with relish on my face.” 

Richie returned his smile, relieved that Eddie wasn’t upset. “No problem Eds.” 

They delivered the items to Bev and Ben, watching Brandon to let both nap before going back to Stan and Mike’s. They helped both make dinner while Stan plyed them with drinks. Stan and Mike were fantastic cooks and had made enough food for ten people.

“Stan you missed your true calling. You should have been a pastry chef.” Richie told him after eating a third piece of cake.

“Early hours and covered in flour all day? No thank you.” Stan said, sitting next to Mike, who grabbed his hand. They were sitting outside around their fire pit. Mike had a small fire going, everyone had drinks. It was cozy. Eddie was slightly drunk and incredibly happy. He was again reminded how much he missed this. Not just Richie, he missed his friends and being able to talk to them without computer screens separating them. 

“And he’d have to be nice to customers. Not Stan’s strong suit.” Mike quipped. Stan hit his shoulder with an indignant ‘hey!’

Eddie smiled, watching the interaction. “How long have you two been dating now?”

Stan looked at Mike. “Too long.” He deadpanned. 

“Thanks Chipmunk.” Mike replied, kissing his cheek.

Richie howled with laughter. “Chipmunk? Please, please let me where that nickname came from. I  _ need  _ to know!” 

“You ass. You let that slip on purpose!” Stan said, swatting Mike again. Mike just shrugged. 

“Tell meeeee.” Richie practically begged. “I’ll trade you an embarrassing drunk Richie story.”

“I’ve witnessed drunk Richie, I don’t need any more stories. But we’ll tell you.” Mike said. “First, more drinks?” Everyone nodded.

“I’ll help.” Eddie said, standing and gathering some plates. He swayed a bit following Mike in, the drinks were stronger than he thought. He took the fresh pitcher from the fridge. “See? Richie and I are doing well.” He told Mike. He had gotten a lecture earlier about being civil with Richie. He was starting to hate that word.

“Yes Eddie, you just need 5 drinks first.” 

Eddie shrugged. “Whatever works.” He followed Mike back outside and poured everyone a fresh drink. 

When he sat he noticed that Richie’s chair was next to his. He looked at Richie, eyebrow raised. “The smoke moved.” Richie explained. Eddie shrugged, sitting. “Okay. Story. Now.” 

“It was how we got together, what, three years now?” Mike started and Stan nodded. “Stan was drunk-”

“I was tequila drunk. Much worse.” Stan interjected. “That’s the only reason this happened.” 

“My bad, tequila drunk.” Mike continued. “And called me to pick him up. He had apparently been trying to impress a guy with how many peanuts he could stuff in his mouth at once.” Richie barked out a laugh and Stan glared at him. Eddie tried to hide his smile but Mike saw. “No, it was hilarious. You should absolutely laugh. I haven’t been able to get Stan to drink tequila since. Anyway, I go and pick him up. And I’m driving him home and he vomits. All over. It smelled like peanuts. It was disgusting. So the nickname is from that lovely experience.” Richie was doubled over, laughing. Mike kissed Stan’s frowning cheek. “Later that night he drunkenly confessed how much he liked me and he was only hitting on the other guy because he looked like me. We started dating the next day, once Stan was a little more sober and could remember what happened.”

“That’s like how we got together!” Eddie exclaimed. “We both got drunk in college and Richie told me he had liked me since high school. Then he kissed me. Well, he tried to. He missed and kissed my eye.” Mike and Stan laughed.

“Oh Eds, no.” Richie said, smirking. “That’s not what happened at all.”

“What?” Eddie asked, his brows furrowed. “Of course it is.” 

Richie shook his head, his curls bouncing. “Nope. I’m not surprised you don’t remember. We were wasted and you started crying. I asked what was wrong and you told me that my hair was too beautiful and that all you wanted to to was touch it but you couldn’t.” Eddie flushed and Mike let out a loud barking laugh.

“No I didn’t!” Eddie protested.

“Nope, that sounds like drunk Eddie. You did the same thing with Bill’s dog once.” Stan said. “You’re too good for this world Chestnut, I can’t handle it.” Stan said, doing a bad impersonation of Eddie. Eddie crossed his arms.

“Aw Eds, don’t sulk.” Richie said, laying a hand on his shoulder. “It was adorable. So I told you that you could touch it. And you tried but ending up falling on me. When I tried to get up you told me no very forcefully and kissed me.” Eddie was trying, and failing, to remember any of that night. “Then you fell asleep.” Stan snorted. “And when we woke up you told me we were dating now.” Richie grinned at him. “It was very romantic.”

“I don’t remember that.” Eddie said, trying to find some flaw in the story that would help him. 

“But it sounds just like you.” Stan told him.  

Eddie and Richie laughed. “Fine, it does.” Eddie admitted. He made the mistake of glancing at Richie. He was watching Eddie, a big, dopey grin spread across his face. Eddie couldn’t help but return it, heat spreading in his stomach from the drinks and memories. They had been so happy in the beginning. And for years. Eddie had thought Richie was the one. He was sure they were going to get married. Until all the little things got in the way. Eddie’s smile faltered, the weight of remembering hitting him hard. 

“I’ll be right back.” He said, needing distance from Richie. He went inside and stood over the kitchen counter, trying to remember why they broke up.

Fighting. Lots of fighting. 

Always followed by amazing make up sex. 

Richie was immature. He made jokes about everything. 

And he never failed to make Eddie laugh. 

Differences. Richie wanted different things. Like no kids.

That worked. Eddie could change a lot of things about himself to fit with Richie, and knew that Richie would do the same for him. But he wanted a family. He had started looking into adopting on his own. He didn’t want to wait for someone else to be ready. 

Richie appeared as Eddie straightened up. “I’m going to go Eds.” He was watching Eddie nervously. “Are you okay?” 

He knew that Richie was worried he had something wrong, that he had broken whatever weird mutual okay-ness they had established. 

Eddie flashed him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “I’m fine ‘Chee.” He really needed to stop slipping into old nicknames. Each time was a small cut. 

Richie didn’t believe him but he nodded. “Okay, if you’re sure.” He paused. “We made it through the day and didn't murder each other. It’s a start.” 

“A good start.” Eddie agreed. 

“Well, bye Eds.” Richie waved then turned and left. 

Eddie watched him go, unable to stop even as the door shut. 

Mike appeared beside him. “How ya doing there Eddie?” 

“I’m fine.” He said, trying no to sound annoyed. 

“You don’t look fine.”

“Then stop looking.” Eddie said, turning away from Mike. He took a breath before continuing. It wasn’t Mike’s fault that he was still in love with Richie. Snapping at him wouldn’t help.  “Thanks for everything. I’m going to bed. I’ll do the dishes in the morning.” He left before Mike could say anything else. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm this is my fav chap. Richie and I approach costco the same way. And I LIVE for cute getting together stories.   
> Seriously, send them to me anytime. I will ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ forever. Bonus if a nickname came out of it. 
> 
> (Also my oneshot for this weeks reddie tumblr prompt made me cry so this is some much needed fluff.)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie looked at him, his eyes glistening. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“Eddie, I’m n-not going to give you the advice that everyone else did.” Bill said. Eddie was grabbing lunch with him on his lunch break. He had filled Bill in on yesterday, on how well it went. 

“You’re not going to tell me to just get over myself and get back together with Richie?” He asked, eating his sandwich.

“W-well kinda. But Eddie you’ve been talking about him for nearly an hour. You admit you still have feelings. S-stop talking to all of us and talk to him.” 

“I tried!” Eddie protested and Bill raised an eyebrow. “No, I did! He said we didn’t need to talk.”

“He l-lied. And even if he d-doesn’t I think you do.” 

Eddie sighed. “I hate that you’re always right.” Bill smirked. “I miss you guys.”

“I w-won’t tell you to move back but…”

“I know, I know.” He was nearly sick, thinking about leaving in a few days. He couldn’t imagine not being here for Brandon’s first steps or to celebrate when Bill and Audra finally got engaged. He wanted to go to happy hours with his friends, and having movie nights with them. He missed them. Being with all of them for a week was a blessing and a curse. He didn’t know if he could go back to living without them, only seeing them on skype. But he also didn’t want to leave everything he had worked for in Chicago. And coming back felt like admitting failure. He also wasn’t sure he could live in the same city as Richie and not be with him. In short, Eddie was torn.

“I’ll talk to Richie.” He promised Bill as they left. He knew that Richie would be off work soon and decided to wait outside his studio. He was worried about chickening out otherwise. 

Richie came out, talking to a coworker. He saw Eddie and said a quick goodbye, walking over.

“I don’t think I did anything to piss you off today.” Richie said, partially joking but also worried. 

“You didn’t.” He confirmed. “I wanted to talk. Is there a coffee shop nearby?” Eddie needed the least sexy place to talk to Richie. Somewhere public where they hopefully couldn’t argue but he also wouldn’t want to jump him. 

Richie nodded. “Right around the corner.” They walked, Richie looking at him nervously and Eddie not knowing what to say. They ordered two teas and sat across from each other at a small table in the back.

“What’s up Eds? Are you dying of cancer? Got a lady pregnant? Touring with Beyonce?” Richie was strumming his fingers on the table, a sure sign of his nervous energy. His jokes had none of their normal jilt to them.

“No.” Eddie said, trying to think of how to start. “I wanted to talk.” He paused. “About us.” He clarified. 

Richie nodded slowly. “What about us Eds?” 

Eddie’s heart was pounding. Being with Richie was always intense for him. “I, I want you in my life. I missed you. I think about you. A lot. I don’t think I can leave and not talk to you for another five years.” It felt like a confession. He watched as Richie absorbed his words, trying to think of how to respond. 

“In your life how?” He finally settled on, looking at Eddie carefully. 

“I don’t know.” He admitted. “I can’t handle seeing you with someone else. I don’t want anyone else to touch you.” He paused, realizing how fierce his voice was. He tried to calm down, he didn’t get to be possessive. “But god Richie, we’re so different. I don’t know if time has made either of us mellow out. I don’t know if it’ll just be the same thing again.” Eddie had to stop, feeling a lump in his throat. He didn’t want to admit that they might not work, that they may never work. 

Richie didn’t say anything as he finished. Eddie waited, drinking some tea. He had put his cards on the table, now he needed to hear what Richie thought. 

“You’re right Eds.” He said quietly. Richie’s head was down, he was gripping his tea tightly. “I don’t know if we can work. You drive me crazy. What if we don’t work again? What if we do this every five years?” Richie looked at him, his eyes glistening. “I don’t think I can do this.” 

Eddie felt his heart shatter. After this week, all the flirting and touching, it had just been Richie being Richie. It hadn’t meant anything to him. He just wanted to get a rise out of a Eddie and Eddie had been reading into it. 

“Okay.” He whispered. Richie started to reach for him then thought better of it, pulling back and running a hand through his hair instead. 

“I’m sorry Eds.” 

Eddie stood, still not looking at Richie. “It’s fine. You’re right. We’ll never work.” He left, managing not to cry until he was outside and alone. He didn’t want to admit that it was over. Richie saying that felt like the real end for them. If Richie wasn’t willing to fight for them it would never work. It hurt, admitting that to himself. But Richie had been clear. Eddie needed to move on. 

He spent Friday with Ben and Brandon. He hadn't been planning on telling him about Richie, since Ben was a new dad and had other concerns. But Ben was perceptive. More perceptive than Eddie wanted.

“Eddie, what’s wrong?” Ben asked as they sat outside. Brandon was napping and Ben kept fussing with the monitor to make sure it was loud enough.

“Nothing.” He lied.

“You haven’t been able to lie to any of us for over a decade. Why do you think you can now?” 

Eddie glared at him briefly. “Why are all of you always right? It’s really annoying.” Ben laughed. “Fine. I told Richie I wanted to try again.” Ben’s eyebrows shot up. “But he told me it was a bad idea.” 

Ben nodded. “It is.”

Eddie looked at him, shocked. “What? All week all I’ve heard is that we need to get back together. Where were you then?” 

Ben pointed up to the second floor, “New baby, remember?” Eddie nodded in acknowledgment. Ben continued. “It’s a bad idea given how things are right now. You would be pissed if you gave up your job to move back and be with Richie. And he knows that. So he can’t ask you to do that. And you two sure as hell can’t do long distance. Therefore, bad idea.” 

Eddie exhaled loudly. Ben was always succinct in his responses, that hadn’t changed. “Fuck, I’m coming to you first from now on.” Ben laughed. Eddie knew he was right. He would resent Richie if he moved back from him. He would hold it over him every time they fought and he would be bitter that he gave up his career. 

“What do I do?” Eddie asked. He understood Richie’s response better now and it only made his heart ache more. He wanted to run to Richie and tell him he understood but he knew it still left them in the same position. 

Ben shrugged. “That’s a very different question. And one I can’t help you with. But, if you ever need advice about getting spit up out of clothes I’m your man.” 

Eddie stayed with Ben for most of the day, eating dinner with him and Bev. Stan and Mike had a work event they couldn’t skip so Eddie was avoiding the empty apartment. He was feeling unhappy and conflicted. He was leaving on Sunday and felt sick thinking about it. He didn’t want to leave the losers. He didn’t know what to do about Richie. Everything swirled in his mind and he just wanted his brain to shut up. 

He decided to do what he always did when he felt like this. Get drunk. There was one gay club in Augusta and Eddie used to love it. He decided that it was a good time to visit again. He changed clothes and went to the club. It was smaller than most of the ones in Chicago, less of a party atmosphere and more dark corners and drinks. 

He sat at the bar, ordering a whiskey sour and looking around. The club needed some updates but it felt like home. Eddie smiled, thinking about all the great times that he and Richie had had there. 

“Well fuck me.” He heard behind him. 

“Hi Richie.” He said as the lanky man slid into a seat next to him. 

“I’m probably the last person you want to see, huh?” Richie asked giving him a small smile, looking abashed. “I can go, once I order.” 

“No, stay.” Eddie said. “It’s less sad if I drink with someone.” He didn’t know if he wanted Richie there but he didn’t want to be alone. “Unless you’re meeting someone?” His stomach twisted just asking. 

Richie shook his head. “Just needed to clear my head.” Eddie nodded, he understood that feeling. 

Richie ordered a drink from the bartender. “About earlier…” He started.

Eddie waved him off. “Can we not? Let’s just talk about anything else.” Eddie had come here to clear his mind, Richie being there made that harder but Eddie didn’t want him to leave.

He nodded. “Sure Eds, whatever you want.” 

They talked about Brandon, and how Bev and Ben were already great parents. They debated if Bill and Audra or Stan and Mike would get engaged first. They split some fries. It felt comfortable, especially when Richie threw an arm around him, telling him a story about camping with Mike and how they forgot matches. Eddie laughed as Richie told him they tried to use a magnifying glass to start the fire. 

“Wow, and that didn’t work? I’m shocked.” Eddie said, his cheeks sore from laughing.

“It was a very long, cold night. And Mike refused to cuddle to keep me warm.”

“What a jerk.” 

“That’s what I said!” 

It wasn’t long before Eddie and Richie were doing their favorite bad tequila shots. The familiarity made both of them comfortable, happy. Eddie licked the skin between his thumb and forefinger before sprinkling salt on it. He grabbed a lime wedge. “Count of three?” He asked. Richie nodded. “One, two, three.” Both licked the salt, took the shot and squeezed the lime in their mouths.

Eddie shuddered as the drink hit his throat. “Ooh, it’s been awhile since I’ve had low quality tequila.” He said, grinning at Richie.

Richie smiled back. “Me too. Probably not since that birthday party. Who was that?” His cheeks were flush and he was drunk. Though, so was Eddie. 

“Lauren. From work. That was when we tried to,” Eddie tried twisting his arms around each other and Richie barked a laugh. 

“Yes! That went poorly.”

Eddie licked his hand, adding more salt. “We’ve got some years now, let’s try it again.”  He didn’t think about what it meant, how close they’d have to get. 

Richie nodded, salting his hand.

They picked up new shots and counted again. This time, they leaned in and twined their arms together then took the shot. Both leaned licked their hands, making eye contact as they did. They quickly squeezed the lime, smiling at each other.

“Success! We got better with age!” Eddie said, laughing.

Richie prepped another shot. “I think it’s better when we do it for each other.” He brought a shot to Eddie’s lips, tipping it into his mouth before offering his hand. Eddie took Richie’s hand, sucking gently on the flesh instead of licking it. Richie’s eyes went dark and Eddie quickly took the lime and squeezed it in his mouth. 

“See?” Richie asked, his voice low. “Much better.” 

Eddie nodded, biting his bottom lip. Being back in their favorite bar brought back too many happy memories. 

“Your turn.” Eddie put salt on his hand and was about to feed Richie the shot when Richie took the lime wedge and squeezed a few drops on Eddie’s lips.

“Hold that for me.” Richie said. Eddie nodded, tipping the drink into Richie’s mouth, watching as his Adam’s apple bobbed. Richie took Eddie’s hand and sucked like Eddie had. Then he kissed Eddie, his tongue licking Eddie’s lips before pushing it into his mouth. Eddie nearly toppled from his stool, desperate to deepen the kiss. Richie fixed the problem by pulling Eddie up and into him, Richie still sitting with Eddie between his legs. 

Eddie’s hands were in Richie’s hair, refusing to let him draw back. Richie’s hands moved to Eddie’s hips, drawing them against him. Eddie knew how they looked, like lovesick teenagers, but he couldn’t stop. He pushed himself into Richie, enjoying the moan he elicited as their chests collided. 

Eddie broke the kiss, putting his forehead on Richie’s. “We should go.” He knew his voice was needy and he didn’t care. 

“Fuck yes. My place?” Richie asked. Eddie nodded, throwing down cash on the counter and letting Richie lead him out. 

Eddie wasn’t sure how they made it back to Richie’s place but they did. As soon as the door was closed Richie pushed him against the wall of their old apartment, grinding mercilessly into Eddie. Eddie rolled his head, exposing his neck as Richie left hot, fevered kisses. Eddie’s hands gripped Richie’s hair, pulling it to keep him close. Eddie felt Richie against him, his erection pulsing against his hip, Eddie’s own on Richie’s leg. It was so familiar, Eddie didn’t know how he had managed so long without Richie mouth on him. 

Richie’s hands moved to Eddie’s ass, grabbing it and pulling Eddie closer as they ground on each other. Eddie let out a small moan as he writhed against Richie, not caring how desperate he sounded. 

Eddie pulled Richie’s shirt off, raking his hands over Richie’s familiar body. He had missed the lean muscles in Richie’s back, the dip of his hips. He ran a finger over a familiar scar over his left hip, making Richie shudder.

“Never let me near sharp things when I’m drunk.” Richie laughed, looking at Eddie’s hand on his stomach.

“That was a terrible ER trip.” Eddie said, pressing on the scar. Richie had gotten drunk and tried to juggle knives. He had ended up cutting himself with one deeply, resulting in a 1am trip to the emergency room.

“You took care of me though.” Richie said, putting his hand over Eddie’s, looking at him intently. Richie’s hand was cool over his, Eddie remembered that his hands were always cold. He used to hold one in both of his, blowing gently on it to warm him up. “Got mad at me for bleeding on the carpet but damn, you bandaged me up like a pro before taking me in.”

Eddie nodded, he had stayed with Richie after he got his stitches, waiting for him to wake up. It was early in their relationship and he had been acutely aware that he could lose him already. Eddie had known then that he loved Richie and would have done anything for him.

“I loved you.” Eddie blurted out. “So much.” He felt tears prickle his eyes. He wiped them away, abruptly feeling how drunk he was. 

“I loved you too.” Richie said, kissing Eddie again. It was light and soft, full of a different type of need than the ones five minutes ago. Eddie remembered all their quiet kisses, the ones they had shared before work in the morning, or over brunch with friends. 

“I fucked up.” Eddie said, looking up at Richie. This time he let the tears fall. “Oh god Richie.” 

Richie put his hands on Eddie’s face, cupping it and using his thumbs to wipe away the tears. “It wasn’t just you, we both did.” Richie’s eyes were also bright with tears. 

“I left.” Eddie said, his voice breaking with the admission. “It was my fault.” 

“I let you leave.” Richie countered. “I let myself think that being right was more important than being with you.” 

Eddie laid his head in Richie’s palm. “Me too.” 

“What fools these mortals be.” Richie said, quoting Eddie’s favorite Shakespeare play. Eddie could only nod, his tears falling over Richie’s hands. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy this ended up being sad and I’m sorry. 
> 
> I'm kinda proud of myself for updating 2 fics in 1 day. This week is busy but I’m determined to finish one of these freaking things eventually.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie took a breath and spoke again. “When I said I loved you...I was wrong. Richie, it’s not that I loved you. I still do. I still love you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you.” He felt some tears escape down his cheeks.

Eddie woke up the next morning in a mostly familiar bed. The sheets smelled like Richie, even if they were different ones than they had before. The pillows were the same, weird foam ones that Richie insisted were better. It almost felt like nothing had changed since the last time he was in this bed. Except that everything had, including the fact that he was alone in it. 

He sat up, a hangover pounding against his head. He had fallen asleep in his clothes, he tried to smooth them out as he went to the kitchen. Richie was sleeping on the futon, his feet hanging over the edge, lightly snoring in the too-small space.. Eddie watched him for a minute, resisting the urge to fold himself in Richie’s arms and just be held. 

Instead he turned and went into the kitchen. He was happy to see that Richie hadn’t changed the layout, it was easy for him to find the ingredients he wanted. Eddie had gotten much better at cooking since he moved. He rarely had time to work out and tried to compensate by eating well. He had found that he actually enjoyed cooking and meal prep, something he never thought he would say. 

After starting coffee, he opened the fridge, noticing that Richie was still a vegetarian. He had started in college and occasionally toyed with being vegan until someone ate cheese pizza in front of him. Eddie was happy to see that Richie wasn’t just eating cheese and pasta anymore. He had a variety of vegetables that Eddie chopped up for omelets. He also found some facon and added it to his pile. 

He had just flipped the omelet when he heard Richie moving. Eddie froze, he had been able to forget for a brief second that this wasn’t normal. He wasn’t in their apartment. He was in Richie’s. And they were due for an awkward (sober) conversation.

“Are you making breakfast?” Richie asked from behind him.

Eddie turned, seeing that he was leaning against the doorway. “Yes, I also got you a hangover cure, assuming you still take it the same.” He gestured to a glass of orange juice with an egg cracked into it. Everyone else thought it was disgusting but Richie had sworn by it since they were 17. 

“Thanks.” Richie said, drinking the concoction in one go, before pouring himself some coffee. 

“Welcome.” Eddie slid the omelet onto a plate, cutting it in half before handing Richie a plate. 

“Thanks.” He repeated, looking awkwardly at Eddie before turning around and sitting at his table. Eddie followed, sitting as far away from Richie as he could. They ate in silence. Eddie tried to think of something to say but everything seemed either awkward or flip. Richie seemed to be having similar thoughts. He kept looking at Eddie and opening his mouth, only to shut it without saying anything. 

Once they finished eating Richie finally looked at him. “Guess we need to talk, huh Eds?”

Eddie nodded, following Richie as he moved to the couch. He sat on the opposite end, pulling his knees to his chest. 

Neither said anything for a beat then Richie chuckled. “This isn’t normally our problem, huh? Usually we both have too much to say.”

Eddie nodded, allowing himself a small smile. “Richie,” He started. He could feel tears welling up and he stopped, wiping his palm across his eyes. “Last night, what I said…” He trailed off.

Richie looked forlorn, “I know, you were drunk. It’s okay.” 

“No!” Eddie realized Richie thought he was trying to take it back. “No, Richie. I said it because I was drunk but I mean it sober. I was going to say…” He paused again. Richie was looking at him hopefully. He swallowed. “When I said I loved you. That wasn’t what I meant.” Richie’s face fell. “No! Fuck, I’m bad at this.” He ran his thumb over his lip, thinking through his words before he continued. 

Richie gave him a small nod. “Just, try Eds.” 

Richie’s face was open and compassionate, exactly what Eddie needed to continue. He knew what he needed to say, what he wanted Richie to hear and understand.  The conversation he had been avoiding all week, and for the last five years, if he was being honest with himself. 

Eddie took a breath and spoke again. “When I said I loved you...I was wrong. Richie, it’s not that I loved you. I still do. I still love you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you.” He felt some tears escape down his cheeks. 

He didn’t even see Richie move but suddenly he was pressed against Eddie, holding him as Eddie cried, wiping his tears away. “Eds,” Richie tipped his head up, making Eddie look at him. “I love you too. I’ll always love you, okay?” 

“Richie.” Eddie said softly, leaning in to kiss him but Richie pulled back.

“No, listen. Please. I can’t say this again.” Richie took a deep breath, looking at Eddie. “I love you. Fuck, you drive me fucking crazy but I love you. I’ll never find anyone that I love as much. I know that.” Richie’s voice was thick with emotion and Eddie had to stop himself from throwing himself into Richie’s arms and kissing him. Anything to prevent the ‘but’ he knew was coming.

Eddie didn’t. He let Richie talk. He knew that Richie needed to say his piece. And Eddie needed to hear it, no matter how much it hurt.

“But Eds,” Richie continued, their eye locked, “You can’t wait for me. You can’t wait for me to change. You can’t move back for me. You can’t wait for me to start your family. I can’t ask you to do that because I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. And I can’t ask you to sit around and wait.”

Eddie reached out a shaky hand as Richie finished, wiping a stray tear from his cheek. “But ‘Chee,” He earned a ghost of a smile for the nickname. “What if you’re worth it? What if you’re worth giving things up for?” He took Richie’s hand, trying to convey all of his feelings but knowing he couldn’t. “I would leave the world behind to be with you.” His voice broke as he finished.

Richie pressed a soft kiss to Eddie’s lips and Eddie knew it he meant it as a goodbye, as a final kiss. “Eds, you can’t do that. I can’t let you. I’m not worth it. Go back to Chicago, adopt a bunch of cute babies, be happy. That’s what you deserve. Please.” 

Eddie knew it was useless to argue, Richie was already pulling back from him, adding a physical separation to the emotional rift. It killed Eddie but he let it happen, knowing that it was what Richie wanted. 

“What about you?” He asked quietly. 

Richie’s eyes softened and he offered him a slight smile. “Oh Eds, don’t worry about lil’ ol’ me. I’ll be fine, I’m always fine.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A scientist is always fine (WTNV anyone?)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t want you to be over me. I want you to be with me.”

When Eddie flew back to Chicago all the losers came to see him off, everyone exchanging hugs and promises to skype soon. Eddie tried to ignore the fact that Richie wouldn’t look him in the eye and that he gave Eddie the briefest of hugs. Tried being the operative word. He couldn’t ignore how unhappy and uncomfortable Richie looked. Eddie almost wished that he hadn’t come at all. Eddie didn’t know what to say. He was trying to accept that they were over but couldn’t, his brain refused to accept it. 

He cried when the losers slipped out of his view, Ben making Brandon wave goodbye. It made him feel hollow, to leave them. He had watched them as long as he could, until finally he passed through security. 

His apartment in Chicago felt cold. He turned the heat on and looked around, realizing how little it felt like home. He had a few pictures on a corkboard but otherwise never bothered to hang up photos or posters. He never felt like he had time. Usually, he came home and fell asleep. The sterile blankness that hadn’t bothered him before now felt oppressive, like he was trapped by the desolation. 

After being back for a week he had his first skype call with Ben and Bev, their smiling faces filling his screen. “Hey guys!” He said, trying to stave off tiredness from a long shift. 

Bev was cradling a sleeping Brandon. “Hey Eddie, how’s home?”

He shrugged, not wanting to tell them how lonely he was. It was eating away at him, how isolated he felt. He settled on saying, “Quiet. How’s the new parent life?”

Bev launched into a story about a rash Brandon had that she had texted Eddie about, pictures included. “So we took your advice and got that cream and now it’s fine!” She ended happily. 

“Good thing you got that degree to help us with the baby.” Ben said jokingly. 

Eddie smiled. “Always happy to lend a hand.” 

They talked for a while before Eddie finally asked what was on his mind. “How’s Richie?”

They exchanged quick looks, like they were trying to decide how much to say. Eddie felt his stomach twist, knowing that it couldn’t be good news. “He’s, well, he’s trying. He’s been better but he doesn’t want to talk to us.” Ben finally said, his mouth in a sight frown. 

“Have you talked to him?” Bev asked softly.

Eddie shook his head. “No. I tried but he didn’t answer.” He saw them exchange another brief look. He had called Richie everyday since he came back but they went unanswered. It worried him. Even if they weren’t together he thought they could talk. Or text, at the very least. 

“Can you check on him?” He hated asking, hating assuming the worst. He should be the one checking. It was his fault that Richie was going through this and he couldn’t do anything except hold a phone to his ear and hope that Richie would pick up. He had also told Stan and Mike but wanted everyone to know, hoping that Richie couldn’t disappear with everyone calling him. 

“Of course. We’ll invite him over for dinner.” Bev said reassuringly. “We’ll take care of him Eddie, that’s what we do.”

He nodded, knowing that they were right and that Richie was in good hands. He still couldn’t shake the fear the something was wrong and that it was his fault. 

Bev and Ben started talking about the newest developments with Brandon, trying to distract him. It worked until they hung up and Eddie was again left to worry. 

The next few weeks were a blur. He tried to set up skype calls with everyone but ended up missing them more often than not. He continued to call Richie but he never answered. Eddie had stopped leaving voicemails, assuming Richie wasn’t listening to them. 

Then, on the one Sunday morning that he could actually sleep in, his phone rang at 7am. He groaned, rolling over to see who it was. 

Richie. Who else.

He sat up, immediately awake. 

“Hey,” He answered softly. He was worried that he would scare Richie away, like he was a wild animal who had come to gaze and a loud noise would make him bolt. 

“Hey Eds.” Richie’s rough voice came through the phone. He sounded exhausted. Eddie suppressed the immediate urge to ask if he was eating and sleeping enough. He knew the others saw him at least once a week, having him over for dinner or meeting him for drinks. They told Eddie he seemed fine, sometimes better than others, always a little subdued. Eddie pressed for details but never got more than ‘he’ll talk to you when he’s ready’. He wanted to throttle them. Another reason the distance sucked. 

“How are you?” Eddie asked, hearing his desperation for a real answer. 

Richie laughed. “Um, good actually.” He paused. “Could we skype? I miss that face.”

“Of course.” 

A minute later Richie’s face appeared on Eddie’s computer screen. He did look tired but otherwise he seemed okay. Eddie looked for any sign of weight loss or excessive drinking and was relieved to find none. 

“Don’t try to diagnosis me Doc.” Richie said, knowing what Eddie’s scanning eyes meant.

Eddie smiled. Of course Richie knew what he was doing. “Sorry, just, you had me worried.”

Richie ran a hand through his hair. “I know, and I’m sorry. I needed some time.” He paused, looking away from the camera before continuing. “I started therapy.” 

Eddie’s eyes widened. “Wow, really?” He had tried to get Richie to go when they were together. He had gone for years because of his mom and thought it would help Richie with his parents too. But Richie had always resisted, saying he didn’t need someone to tell him he was fucked up. 

“Yea, it’s been...difficult. But good. But I wanted to figure my shit out before I talked to you.”

Eddie nodded then realized he was holding his breath. “What, what did you figure out?” He was having trouble staying still, wanting to bounce with anticipation. 

“Oh boy Eds, that’s a big question.” He laughed, clearly uncomfortable. His eyes darted to something off screen again, trying to wrangle his thoughts. “A lot. A lot that I’m not ready to share yet.” He smiled reassuringly at Eddie. “But enough to know I miss you. And I’ll probably always miss you. She keeps telling me to get over you Eds, but I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I  _ want  _ to.” Richie paused after his confession, looking at Eddie nervously. “I know what I said and it’s so fucking unfair to tell you that. But I’m sick of lying to you. And to myself.” 

“Richie,” Eddie breathed. Richie was watching him, waiting for Eddie to reply, to tell him that his therapist was right, that they needed to be over. Eddie had always been adamant that they should trust what therapists said, told him to trust therapists, that they only wanted what was best. 

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t say what Richie expected. He couldn’t force the words out. There was only one thing he could say. 

 “Richie, I, I love you.” It came out quicker than he intended, more one strung together word than separate ones. “I don’t want you to be over me. I want you to be with me.” He felt his eyes water and wiped them, refusing to cry. “I know we fucked up before but I miss you, and I want you back.” Eddie’s own confession left his heart pounding, worried that Richie would think it was too much. 

“Eds,” Richie’s voice was strained. “I love you too. I want to try again. Please? Can we try again?” 

Eddie nodded, exhaling as he saw Richie’s face light up. “Yes. Please.”

A grin spread on Richie’s face. “Really?” He asked incredulously. 

“Really really.” Eddie said, laughing slightly. He was sure his face matched Richie’s, shocked and overjoyed.

“Eds, that’s fucking fantastic.” He ran a hand through his hair, still in disbelief. “I mean, my therapist will be a little upset. I was just supposed to stop avoiding you, not,” he waved his hand between them, “this.” 

Eddie laughed, wishing there weren’t hundreds of miles separating them. He wanted to throw himself into Richie’s arms, to kiss and hold him. He realized then just how little he could convey through the computer. 

They both sat, grinning like idiots at each other. Eventually Eddie asked, “What now?”

Richie ran his tongue over his lips. “I’m not supposed to date anyone yet. It’s part of repairing who I am or some bullshit.” He paused, looking a little pained. “I suppose I could have mentioned that before.”

“Caught up in the moment.” Eddie replied, wanting Richie to know he wasn’t upset. “That makes sense, you just started therapy. I can wait.” He said it as much for Richie as himself. He would wait for however long Richie needed, as long as they would be together in the end. 

“We can talk though?” Richie offered, looking relieved that Eddie wasn’t upset. 

“I’d like that, a lot.” He replied honestly. “I miss you, even your stupid accents.”

Richie smirked. “You’re going to regret saying that governor.” He said with a stupid british accent. 

Eddie laughed. “I’m sure I will.” He watched as another smile spread on Richie’s face, making him happy and sad at the same time. He wanted to be there with Richie so much it hurt. But he also wanted Richie to get better, to figure things out. “I’m really proud of you.” He said, needing Richie to know how impressed he was.

Richie nodded. “Thanks. Self discovery, it’s weird.” He smiled again. “I miss you too Eds, no one else will let me tell knock knock jokes.” 

Eddie and Richie talked for hours, Richie telling Eddie all the new, terrible jokes he had learned, Eddie telling Richie about his job. It was nice, Eddie had missed talking to him, hearing RIchie’s laugh and stupid puns. He had covered up the Richie sized hole in his life with other things but he knew that there wasn’t any substitute for the real thing. 

Over the next few weeks, they kept talking. Richie told Eddie about Brandon and therapy. Eddie told him about his life in Chicago. They relearned who the other was. Eddie saw how Richie had grown up and changed, but also that he was the same. He still made Eddie laugh. He still drove him a little crazy, especially when he would show Eddie his dinner of triscuits and carrots. Eddie chided him for not eating better and Richie just shrugged, saying there was no one there to impress. 

“How’s the adoption stuff going?” Richie asked one day, five weeks after their initial confessions. They were talking on skype nearly every day, Eddie always looked forward to it. 

“Slow.” Eddie replied. “They’re not thrilled with the idea of a single gay man adopting.” 

Richie nodded. “Their loss.” 

He shrugged, not surprised by their reaction. Richie knew he was still trying to adopt on his own, they hadn’t really talked about it. It felt weird to have the conversation when they weren’t officially dating. 

He saw that Richie was fidgeting and looked apprehensive. “What’s wrong?” 

“Well,” Richie started, licking his lips. “My therapist finally said I could start dating again. Though,” He smirked. “She likes to point out that what we’re doing is technically dating.” 

“Oh.” Was all he could say for a second. He never asked how long it would be, he hadn’t wanted to hear that it would be six or eight months. He didn’t want to push, Richie needed this and Eddie wanted him to take his time. He was willing to wait, he would wait forever for Richie, but somehow knowing would have been worse. But hearing that their wait was over made butterflies appear in his stomach. “So what does that mean? For us?”

“Well, it means that I’m even more annoyed that you’re in Chicago.” 

Eddie chuckled. They hadn’t talked about the distance issue. It hadn’t been worth it. There had been a few too-long looks and other times that Eddie had furiously mastrubated after a particularly flirty call but otherwise everything had been very G rated. “Well I’m not thrilled that you’re in Maine.”

Now Richie laughed. “Fair point.” His eyes raked over Eddie. He was leaning against his headboard, the laptop on his stomach. “We can try other things though.” 

Heat coiled in Eddie’s stomach from the the look in Richie’s eyes. He wanted Richie to be there, to touch him, but this was an acceptable compromise.

“I’ve never done that.” He confessed. 

“Me either.” Richie smirked. “But luckily I know a lot about you so I think this will go just fine. Unless that has changed too.” 

Eddie shook his head. “No, I don’t think so.” His voice had dropped lower, from nervousness and anticipation. 

Richie licked his lips. “Well let’s try it then.” He moved his laptop so it displayed all of him, lying on his bed. Eddie did the same thing. He took in Richie’s stance, he was trying to look casual but could tell he was nervous, his shoulders were tense. 

“Now what?” Eddie asked. He felt like he was 16 again, unsure about his body and what he was doing. 

“Take your shirt off.” Richie directed. And, when Eddie looked nervously at him, he added, softer, “We’ve got to start somewhere.” 

Eddie nodded and pulled it off, watching as Richie’s eyes got darker. “You too.” He watched as Richie stripped his off his shirt, taking in his lanky form. Richie had more definition than he used to, he had finally outgrown his lanky teen body. Eddie knew that Mike had been forcing him to work out with him, Richie constantly grumbled about early morning runs. He would have to thank Mike later. 

“Eds I wish I could touch you.” Richie said, his voice husky as his eyes wandered over Eddie. “But I can’t. You’ll have to touch yourself.” Eddie flushed and Richie smiled. “Just, take it slow. Pretend it’s me.” 

Eddie nodded. “You need to do it too then.” He was trying not to be embarrassed but he felt ridiculous. 

“Tell me what to do.” Richie’s voice was husky and Eddie felt his cock twitch.

“I loved running my hands over your chest.” Eddie said, watching as Richie’s hands copied his words. “Slower though.” He bit his bottom lip as Richie’s hands traveled over himself, fingers grazing his nipple. Richie started playing with it and Eddie watched hungrily as the nipple pebbled, becoming hard under his fingertips. 

“You too.” Richie rasped. “I want to watch you.” Eddie let his hands roam over his chest, pretending that Richie was touching him. He arched as he pinched his own nipple, pretending it was another warm, strong hand. 

“Use your other hand and go lower.” Richie told him, “Over your pants.”

Eddie’s hand ghosted over his growing erection and he keened into it, forgetting his embarrassment as he touched himself. “Fuck Richie, I wish this was you.” 

“I know baby.” The pet name made Eddie even harder. He looked at Richie again, his eyes were dark and blown out, eagerly watching Eddie. “I wish I could take you in my mouth, fucking taste you.” Eddie whimpered, overcome with desire. He watched as Richie’s hand disappeared into his sweatpants. 

“Take your pants off.” Eddie growled, annoyed he couldn’t see anything. 

Richie pulled his pants off, his erection springing free. Eddie stared at it, his own hand still rubbing over his pants. Richie smirked at Eddie’s hungry eyes. “You like that? Do you miss me? Miss my dick?”

“So much.” Eddie panted as Richie’s hand moved lazily over his cock, palming his head. “I miss feeling you on top of me, rubbing against me.”

“I miss that too. Those little noises you made.” Richie’s eyes closed as he grabbed himself, pumping slowly. Eddie let out a little whine, watching the precum drip over his hand. “Yea, that noise.” Richie looked at Eddie again. “Take your pants off for me, I want to see you.” 

Eddie stripped off his pants, groaning as he finally wrapped a hand around himself. Richie’s hand was still moving on his erection but his eyes were focused on Eddie. “God Eds, you’re gorgeous. Those big doe eyes, that fantastic cock. It’s so pink and perfect.  _ Fuck _ .” Richie’s voice caught as he talked, his hand moving faster. 

Eddie pumped himself in time with Richie, his other hand moving down to cup his balls. He imagined Richie’s sure hands on him, his lips covering his, the familiar weight of him. “Richhhhie.” He groaned, his hips arching off the bed as he felt himself getting closer.

“Yea baby?”

“I miss you, I want you.” He grunted. 

“Come for me Eds.” Richie’s husky tone set him over the edge, Eddie felt himself come, grunting as he spilled into his hand and over his stomach. 

He looked at the camera again, panting slightly, all embarrassment forgotten. Richie’s eyes were wide and staring at him. “That was so fucking hot.”

Eddie lifted a hand, licking his cum, and Richie shuddered. Eddie watched as he came, white stripes decorating his bed sheets as he let out a string of swear words mixed with Eddie’s name. 

“Eds, you’ll be the death of me.” Richie said, catching his breath. He rolled over so his face was closer to the screen, smiling at Eddie. 

“I miss you.” Eddie repeated, sated but still unhappy. This only reminded him what he was missing. He wanted to kiss Richie, to fall asleep next to him. 

“I miss you too.” Richie said. “So much.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know  
> FINALLY :P


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What are you doing here?”

Eddie stood outside the door, nervous. He couldn’t bring himself to knock.  Just knock, he told himself. He had been standing there for over ten minutes, staring at his old door, telling himself to knock. 

He sighed. He hadn’t even told Richie he was in town, wanting it to be a surprise. But now that he was here it seemed like a terrible idea. What if Richie wasn’t as serious as him? What if they weren’t here yet?  What if Richie only wanted to date him over a computer screen? They’d been together for a few weeks, both getting better at talking to each other. It felt like the hurt they had caused each other was finally dying out and something new was rising from the ashes of it 

They were getting better at other things too. Listening to each other, asking questions. And at sex without touching. Eddie flushed as he thought about the things that Richie sent him, the pictures especially. 

But now he was here and it felt different. He worried that things would go badly again when they saw each other in person. What if they could only get along with hundreds of miles separating them? 

Eddie shook his head, knowing he was being stupid. He had been talking to the others about them, and knew that Richie had too. They were, unsurprisingly, thrilled, Eddie heard ‘finally’ a lot for a few weeks, rolling his eyes and laughing. They knew he was coming this week and had agreed it’d be sweet if he surprised Richie, plus they told him if they met beforehand they wouldn’t just be staring at each other all night. He thought about his much he missed them, he’d be seeing everyone for dinner, he couldn’t wait. 

Once he knocked on the damn door. He took a deep breath and raised his hand, finally rapping on the door. 

“Hold on, hold on.” Eddie heard Richie’s voice. He nearly ran away as he heard Richie’s approach. He was being ridiculous, Richie would be happy to see him. He knew it. 

He bit his lip as the door swung open. Richie was there, in sweats and an old tank top, a coffee cup in his hand. 

“Eds?” He asked, his mouth agape. 

“The one and only.” He replied, playing with the cuff of his shirt and trying to push down his unease. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Richie’s tone made him nervous, he wanted to make a joke, say he could leave. But they were past that. Eddie couldn’t run away from his problems. “I’m here for you.” He replied honestly, looking up at Richie. 

Richie’s eyes widened. “Oh.” 

“You’re making me anxious.” Eddie told him. He didn’t know what he expected from this meeting. Maybe him jumping on Richie which would lead to mind blowing sex. Or maybe Richie kissing him, telling him how much he loved Eddie. But not this, this uncomfortable, awful awkwardness. Richie seemed like he wanted to shut the door on Eddie. 

“Sorry.” Richie ran a hand through his hair. He moved out of the doorway. “Come in.”

“Thanks.” Eddie was grateful he had left his bag in the car. It seemed less and less likely that Richie would want Eddie staying with him, like he had hoped. 

He walked in, following Richie as he sat on the couch. “What brings you to Maine?” Richie asked, still seeming uncomfortable.

You! Eddie wanted to shout. “Brandon.” He said out loud. “I wanted to see him again before he was talking.”

Richie nodded. “He’s a cute kid.” 

They made awkward conversation for a while, until Eddie couldn’t take it. Richie didn’t seem to want him there. He didn’t look at Eddie, instead staring at his cup. He sat far away, not touching Eddie. Eddie hated how wrong he had been. He felt like a fool and he needed to leave before he started to cry. He couldn’t handle this. 

“I’m going to go.” He said, standing. 

Richie looked startled. “Really? Okay. Where are you staying?” 

Eddie shrugged. “With Stan and Mike, I guess.” He hadn’t asked them but assumed they’d be okay with it. 

Richie nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you later then.” 

“Yea.” 

Eddie left, slumping against the steering wheel in his car. His fears had been confirmed. Whatever they had was just via skype. Richie and him weren’t fighting but his cold demeanor wasn’t any better. 

Eddie drove to Mike and Stan’s, trying to explain to them what happened with Richie. They exchanged quick glances but didn’t say anything, welcoming Eddie in and offering him the guest room. 

He went into there, unpacking his clothes. He was berating himself for how much he misread the situation. Mike appeared in the doorway. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Eddie turned to him, sighing. “I’m not sure. I just,” He paused, looking at a framed picture of all of them in high school. Even then, Richie and Eddie were close, Richie’s arm was around Eddie, pulling him close. Eddie was smiling up at him. The two were inseparable. “I thought we were past the hard part. I thought seeing him again would be easy.”

Mike sat on the bed. “Richie’s grown a lot, since you left.” He said hesitantly. 

“He’s told me, some.” Eddie said, sitting next to him. Richie still didn’t tell him about everything that happened in therapy, and he didn’t expect him to. But Eddie was a little hurt that he seemed to be talking to Mike about it. Another barrier for them. 

“He started out doing it all for you, you know. Wanting to be better for you.” Mike looked at the picture. All of them grinning and sunburnt. “It took a lot of convincing to do it for himself, not you.”

Eddie didn’t know what to say. “I didn’t ask him to change.” He mumbled.

Mike nodded. “I’m not saying you did.” He looked at Eddie, his eyes soft. “But think about it, everything he’s done, all the things he’s realized in the past few months. It’s been a lot for him. I think, I think he liked what you two had. The separation made it easier for him. He joked about how it was harder to fight via camera.” 

Eddie felt anger flair in his chest but pushed it down. “Is that all he wants then? Long distance?” They still hadn't talked about it becoming more but Eddie had assumed it would. Maybe he was wrong.

“I don’t think so. But I think he liked how slow it was. And that it gave him some distance, some time to think.” Mike finished, looking at Eddie. “He felt like you two were repairing things, finally talking and learning who you were. Then you showed up, surprising him, and maybe ruining that.” Mike’s voice was soft and he had explained things in a way only Mike could. Honestly and without any ill intent. 

“I wasn’t trying to ruin it.” Eddie had liked what they had too, he liked where they were. He thought it would be romantic to show up but now it felt like he had unfairly ambushed Richie. They were building a new relationship on trust and Eddie worried he had ruined it. 

Mike bumped his shoulder. “I don’t think you did. But I think you surprised him. Give him some time. You told him you’re here for a few days, right?” 

Eddie shook his head. “No, he didn’t ask.” 

Mike sighed. “You two. Well he should be at dinner, you can talk after.” He chuckled. “I wonder if we’ll ever have a dinner where you two aren’t uncomfortable around each other.”

“Ha ha.” Eddie said without heat. “You’re hilarious.” 

Mike looked at him, some pity on his face. “You’ll figure it out. You two have some stupid magnetic pull. You’ll always find each other.” 

“I hope you’re right.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, the drama is not over. 
> 
> (Also, this was written with the idea of being the exact opposite of Grown Wild, where Eddie surprises Richie and it goes very well)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie nodded, willing to do what Richie needed. “I can go slow.”

Richie didn’t show up for dinner. Eddie tried to ignore it, remembering what Mike had said about him needing time. He attempted to push Richie from his mind, focusing on Brandon and his friends, who were all excited to see him. Bev let Eddie hold him for most of the meal, the baby happily babbling. Eddie could almost forget about the person who wasn’t there as everyone caught him up on what he missed, telling him about how drunk Bill got or how Mike’s new intern couldn’t send an email. He laughed,  enjoying the easy closeness that he had with everyone. 

After Eddie said goodbye to everyone he saw someone standing near his car, smoking. He took a deep breath and walked over. 

“That’s a disgusting habit.” He told Richie.

“Don’t  have a reason to quit.” He looked at Eddie, uncertain. “Well, I didn’t until recently.” He dropped the cigarette, putting his out under his foot.  “I’m cutting back.”

Eddie stopped a few feet from him, watching Richie. “I’ll tell you a secret.” Richie cocked his head slightly. “I like the smell. Which is terrible for a nurse to admit. But it reminds me of you, I can’t help it.”  Eddie resisted rubbing his hands on his arms. He shouldn’t be this nervous around Richie. It felt ridiculous but he couldn’t help it. He simultaneously wanted to kiss him and yell at him. It was like old times and he hated it. 

“No, it’s sweet.” Richie smiled briefly then frowned. “Sorry I missed dinner.” 

Eddie shrugged. “It’s fine. You probably heard all the stories anyway.” 

“I should have been there.” Richie told him. 

Eddie looked at Richie, sighing. He didn’t want to play this game. “What do you want me to say Richie? I wanted you there. I wanted to lean into you as Bill told a bad joke, or squeeze your hand when Stan told the artichoke story for the hundredth time. But you didn’t come.” Richie started to protest and Eddie held up hand. “I’m not mad. I’m just, sad. But I get it, you need time. It’s okay.” Eddie didn't want to fight but he needed Richie to know how he felt. It hurt him that Richie didn’t come. He knew their friends saw it too, Eddie’s eyes would dart to the door whenever it opened. 

Richie’s jaw worked and Eddie waited, giving him the time he needed. Finally he said, “Come back to the apartment with me.” 

“Is that a good idea?”

Richie nodded slowly. “I want to talk. Please?”

Eddie nodded. He knew he was going to say yes to whatever Richie offered. He didn’t want to say no to him anymore.  “I’ll meet you there.”

He drove to their old apartment, nervous again. Richie never used to make him nervous. But now, he felt uncertain about everything. Part of him, a larger part then he wanted to admit, thought that Richie was going to break up with him. Richie would tell him that he couldn’t be in a relationship now and that they needed a break. It hurt Eddie to even think about it, things finally felt good between them, but he needed to admit that it was a possibility. Eddie may have assumed too much, taken things too quickly for Richie. 

He was waiting outside when Eddie drove up. They walked up quietly, Richie opening the door and asking, “Do you want anything?” 

“Wine?” Eddie felt like he might need it for this conversation. 

Richie nodded, disappearing and reappearing with two glasses. He handed one to Eddie and sat, again on the opposite side of the couch.

“I’m sorry.” Richie said, looking at Eddie. “For earlier. You just, you surprised me.”

“That was sorta the point.” Eddie replied with a small smile. “But I should have told you, I didn’t think.”

“No, it was a nice gesture. I handled it poorly.”  

Eddie was impressed by them, the old Eddie and Richie would have been screaming at each other by now, yelling to prove their points. Instead both were acknowledging where they went wrong. It was progress for both of them. Eddie was proud of them and nearly said it but Richie had started talking again. 

“I was so excited when it was you behind the door.” Richie was saying. “But then I got scared. I was worried I’d mess it all up again. You being in a different state sucked for a lot of reasons but it was also nice, it felt harder to fuck it up that way. And then when you appeared all I could think of was not saying the wrong thing.  All that fear just flooded back, like the last few months never happened.” 

Eddie scooted closer to Richie, taking his hand. “We’re better people now, we won’t make the same mistakes.”

“No, but what if we make new ones?” Eddie heard the real fear and concern in Richie’s voice and he tried to address it. 

“Then we’ll talk about it. We’ve gotten a lot better at that.”

“We have.” Richie agreed. He looked at Eddie, his soft eyes resting on Eddie’s. “I like where we are Eds, I like talking to you and I think I’m in a better place now. And a lot of that is because of you.”

Eddie shook his head. “No Richie, don’t give me the credit. It’s because of you. You did all of this for yourself and you’ve come a long way. Give yourself the credit.”

Richie looked at the wall for a minute before nodding slowly. “You’re right. I started it for you but it ended up being for me. And I’m proud of that. “

Eddie squeezed his hand, “You should be.” 

Richie looked at him again. “I am glad you’re here. I can’t tell you how many times I wished you were with me. I wish I had said that, instead of telling you about work.”

“Me too.” Eddie replied honestly. Just being near Richie again was comforting. He felt himself leaning towards Richie, wanting to be close. 

“I missed you.” Eddie could feel the emotions that Richie poured into the statement. It made his breath catch.

“I missed you too.” He said, his voice low.

“But we should go slow.” Richie added. “You’re only back for a few days, and we haven’t really talked about what we are.”

Eddie nodded, willing to do what Richie needed. “I can go slow.” 

Richie licked his lips, staring openly at Eddie now. “Good.” Eddie tried to contain himself. Richie’s lips were wet and slightly parted. Eddie wanted to feel them against his. He reminded himself that he was in this for the long term. He didn’t want to ruin things. “I’m sorry about dinner.” Richie repeated.

“You already said that, it's okay.” He felt a blush rising on his cheeks as Richie continued to stare at him. It felt Richie undressing him with his eyes. All the skype calls meant that Richie knew what he looked like, how he liked to be touched. Heat gathered in his stomach as he realized how close they were, only inches apart. Mike was right, they were like magnets. Even if they had been on opposite sides of the room Eddie would have felt the intensity. 

Slow, he reminded himself, taking a drink of wine. They needed to go slow. 

He made a face as he sipped. “This is terrible.” 

Richie laughed. “I’m not the wine person in this relationship.”

Relationship. The word hung in the air, making Eddie’s heart pound. “No, you’re not. That’s okay.” 

Richie nodded and smiled at him. “Fuck, I missed you. I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I know. Me too.” Richie placed a light kiss on Eddie’s cheek, making him blush more than any long look could have. “Wanna actually catch up?” He asked.

“God yes, I don’t remember anything we talked about earlier. I was way to worried about fucking up.” Richie pulled Eddie’s legs over his and started asking him about work. The two talked, and flirted. Richie ran his hands over Eddie’s legs, mostly innocent except for the slow speed that made Eddie’s breath catch. Eddie played with Richie’s fingers, admiring how long and tapered they were. Within a few hours Eddie was a little drunk on bad wine and Richie. He was deliriously happy and could tell that Richie was too, both smiling at the other. 

Eddie glanced at the clock, noticing for the first time how late it was. “I should probably go.” He said, moving to put his wine glass down and spilling some on his pants. “Fuck!” He grabbed a napkin, trying to dab the liquid. 

“Better take them off.” Richie’s voice was low, his hand tightened on Eddie’s thigh. 

Eddie’s eyes flew up to Richie’s. “You said we needed to go slow.” He reminded Richie. And himself. He tried not to look at Richie’s lips and darkened eyes. 

“Yea well, fuck that.” Richie put his own glass down and captured Eddie’s lips in a searing kiss. Eddie eagerly returned it, opening his mouth to taste Richie. It had been so long since he had kissed Richie. He forgot how good it was, how well their lips fit together, how intense of a kisser Richie was. 

Richie pushed him down onto the couch, crawling on top of him, grinding against him. Eddie groaned at Richie’s familiar weight. 

“Eds I fucking missed you.” Richie said, moving his lips to Eddie’s neck, already undoing the buttons on his shirt. “I’ve jacked off to this more times than I can count.” He said, sucking Eddie’s skin. Eddie could already feel a mark forming. He remembered how much Richie loved covering him in hickeys, so everyone would know that Eddie was his. Then, it had been a jealous, possessive thing. Now, Eddie felt like it was Richie’s way of giving Eddie a way to remember him, something to look at after he left. 

“Always a romantic ‘Chee.” Eddie said, moaning as Richie took one of his nipples in his mouth, his tongue swirling over it. Eddie's hands were in Richie’s hair, tugging it as he arched into the contact. 

“Fuck baby, you feel so good.” Richie said, licking a stripe up Eddie’s chest. “I want to taste all of you.”

Eddie shuddered as Richie moved down, already stripping off his pants and throwing them aside. He took Eddie in his mouth without warning, Eddie crying out as Richie deep throated him. “ _ Richie _ ! I forgot how amazing your mouth is.” 

Richie looked up at him and winked, not removing his mouth. He hollowed his cheeks and Eddie groaned, his hips bucking into Richie. “Yes, yes,” He whimpered, unable to believe how close he was. The familiarity combined with what felt like months of foreplay had him on already edge. Richie’s hands worked under his ass, gripping and kneading his cheeks. Eddie was a whimpering mess, calling out Richie’s name and a string of swear words as he came. 

“I forgot how much I loved hearing you.” Richie said looking up at Eddie. “Those fucking sounds.”

Eddie laughed, pulling Richie up to kiss him, tasting himself. “I want to hear your sounds too.” He said, his hand snaking under Richie’s pants. 

Richie groaned as Eddie grabbed him, his head falling into Eddie’s shoulder. “I forgot how much better your hand is than mine.” Richie said, thrusting into Eddie. 

Eddie undid Richie’s pants, freeing his erection. It pushed against Eddie’s leg and Eddie could feel his arousal spike again, just having Richie near him. Eddie’s hands moved, he could tell Richie wouldn’t last. He was panting into Eddie’s neck, grinding desperately into him. 

“Fuck Eds, fuck!” Richie said as he came, spilling onto Eddie’s hand and thigh. 

Richie looked up, totally wrecked. His hair was a mess and his lips were bruised and red. Eddie kissed him hard, trying to pour his emotions into the kiss. Richie returned the kiss, softly, holding Eddie’s cheek with one hand.

“What happened to going slow?” Eddie asked nervously as Richie smiled down at him. He was slightly worried that Richie would regret it, or blame himself for moving too fast. He didn’t want to have any more regrets with Richie. And he was in heaven, Richie resting on him, looking down at Eddie. He couldn’t handle it if Richie didn’t feel the same. 

“Fuck it.” Richie said, kissing him again. “We were never very good at that.” He kissed Eddie’s forehead. “And we lost too much time as it is. I don’t want to go slow. I want this.”

He let out a breath, instantly relieved. “I do too, I want this.” He pulled Richie in for another long kiss, not wanting to let him go. “I missed you.” He said again, needing Richie to know. “And I need a shower.” 

Richie kissed his nose. “I missed you too.” Eddie knew he was never going to get tired of hearing that. Richie scooted off Eddie, letting him get up. 

Eddie stood, looking back at Richie still lying on the couch. “Come with me?” He asked, feeling euphoric. He held his hand out, craving Richie’s touch. 

Richie grinned, “Thought you’d never ask.” 

Richie followed him to the shower, Eddie turning it on full blast as Richie stripped. “I forgot how small this shower is.” Eddie said as they entered. He turned to Richie, kissing him again.

“Never bothered you before.” Richie muttered into Eddie’s neck, leaving soft kisses on his collarbone.

“I never used to care about actually showering in here.” 

“Ah Eds, I can help with that.” Richie grabbed his soap, running it over Eddie’s body, taking extra time on his thighs. Eddie felt his dick give a half hearted twitch as Richie cleaned him but he was mostly enjoying the loving, careful touches. They stayed until the hot water ran out, enjoying long kisses and exploring the other’s bodies. 

After the shower Richie asked, “Are you staying?” His hands still on Eddie’s hips, it seemed that Richie didn’t want to stop touching him either, he kept finding ways to pull Eddie close. 

“Do you want me to?” Eddie felt nervous again, both had been naked for hours but he was feeling more exposed than before.

Richie pulled him close, running his hands on Eddie’s back and kissing him. “I don’t want you to leave, ever.” 

Eddie put his head on Richie’s chest. “Then I’ll stay.” He went to text Stan and Mike and came back to Richie lying in bed. Eddie curled next to him, quickly falling asleep.

When he woke up Richie’s leg was over him, keeping him close. Richie stretched and looked down at him. “Fuck I missed this face.” He planted a kiss on Eddie’s lips. Eddie’s lips gave an involuntary smile, looking up at Richie’s messy hair and bright eyes. 

“Coffee?” Eddie grunted, also stretching.

“And that cheerful morning attitude.”  Eddie swatted at him and Richie laughed, insisting on kissing him again and again before making coffee. 

Richie lent him some clothes as he made breakfast. “How long are you staying?” He asked, flipping pancakes. 

“Just  few days.” Eddie watched Richie’s shoulders slump slightly, he tried to hide it but Eddie noticed. “But…” He started, biting his bottom lip. 

Richie turned to him. “But?” He asked hopefully. 

Eddie hadn’t told anyone yet. He had planned on telling Richie yesterday but couldn’t, after his initial reaction. “I applied for a transfer. To move to the local hospital.” He wasn’t sure how Richie would feel about it but Eddie wanted to be back with his friends. He hoped it wasn’t too much for Richie. “It doesn’t, I don’t have to move back in or anything. But I miss all of you. I don’t want Brandon to only know me as the uncle on the TV screen.”

Richie nodded, handing Eddie pancakes and coffee. “What if I want you to move back in?” He asked, sliding next to Eddie and looking at him earnestly. “What if I can’t imagine you living somewhere else?” 

Eddie’s heart leapt. He wanted nothing more than to move back in with Richie. But he didn’t know it it was a good idea. 

“What about going slow?” Eddie asked. “This is different than us sleeping together. This is the real thing.” He didn’t want to ruin things. He couldn’t ruin things. 

Richie nodded. “I know. I want that. I want you. I don’t want to waste any more time.” Richie fidgeted and Eddie kissed his cheek, trying to calm him down. “I need to show you something.” 

“Sure.” He didn't know what Richie was getting but felt the nervousness radiating off of him. 

Richie left, returning with a handful of pamphlets. “What are those?” Eddie asked, his eyes widening. 

“I want to adopt. With you. Being with Brandon, I want that.” Richie fanned out the adoption agency leaflets. “I’ve been talking about it in therapy. It was one of the main reasons I started going, to get over shit with my dad. And she thinks I’m ready. Or I will be.” Richie looked at him nervously. “I know how important it is to you. And I see why now. So,” He looked a deep breath. “I’m in, if you want. I want this with you.” 

Eddie nodded, a lump forming in his throat.  “Richie, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. It’s always been you that I’ve wanted this with. Only you.” His voice was thick. He didn’t know he could feel this happy. 

Richie pulled him close, gathering Eddie in his arms. “Me too Eds. Me too.” He kissed Eddie again, sweet and slow. 

Eddie knew, realistically, that things would never be perfect. He knew that they’re fight and yell again. But he also knew that they were stronger now, more capable of handling the arguments and of talking instead of screaming. They’d both grown up and they knew what they wanted. Eddie wanted this to work, he wanted to wake up next to Richie. He wanted to raise a kid with Richie. He wanted everything with him. And he was going to fight for it. He would do whatever it took. He knew Richie felt the same. 

Eddie looked up at him. “I love you.” He hadn’t meant to say it yet but it was true and he couldn’t keep it in. 

Richie captured his lips in a soft, quick kiss. “I love you too Eds. I can’t believe you’re back.” 

“Just try to get rid of me.” He said, leaning against Richie and sipping his coffee. 

Richie smiled down at him. “Never again.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reading and for the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> Been wanting to write an angst-y fic. So, ta da!
> 
> Someone asked on one of my other fics if I was using the old actors name’s for OC- I wasn’t but I am now! Emily & Brandon are the 1990’s kid actors for IT.


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